Embarrassing morning.

It's not everyday that I am embarrassed that to in public, though I do lot of work which could embarrass me but I usually get better of a situation(leave the latest encounter with fate regarding my last few writings)..

So this fine morning, I get up a 7... No it’s not 7 pm my usual getting up time... it 7 am… Yes, you all can let out a surprising yelp...and decide to have my breakfast at Siddharth. I order my usual coffee along with aloo paratha and eat it in peace, listening to fix you by coldplay and planning ahead for the day (which usually takes less than few seconds)... suddenly I notice the guy sitting next to me is starring at me... well I felt that immensely odd...if he would have been a girl I would have been flattered but please not a guy!!! But the weirdo doesn’t notice how weird I was feeling under his gaze so I decide to confront him and looks him in the eye... that guy has a look of recognition in his eye and I start feeling sick. I was like, shit! Another random guy I met at some random place who I do not remember but he somehow remembers me... but I am proved wrong. He instead says "you are the same guy who uploaded videos on youtube? Well I saw your S.K.S. vid"...

Fellas what could I have said to this in reply... when I uploaded them I knew I'll probably have to face such situations… I always was ready but when it actually came, it caught me off my guards...that guy starts smiling now and to make situation worse other people for who were not even caring for the fact that I exit among there gathering suddenly start looking at me… Well I just said yes to him and hurriedly finish my plate (which was rather difficult coz I am a very slow eater) and leave the table and the half drunk coffee...

My friends always asked me to remove those vids but I never took them seriously. But after this little incident I am seriously reconsidering my decision…
Phew!! Last few days seriously have been… Well let’s just say a roller-coaster ride...
And frankly speaking I don’t like roller-coasters much and can’t wait it to end...

P.S. I knew those uploaded stuff would haunt me at some point of my life or another...

Sorry Box is very sorry.

I never knew I as a writer would ever feel sorry for what I have written…
I have written idiotic stuff which could get me real trouble all my life but never ever I have felt guilty about doing it... I have written music lyrics in math classes, abuses in a fellow mate's notebook, love letter and poem for friends and have been caught doing all these things but I never felt bad or remorseful about it...
But after writing my last blog I really feel remorseful…Really… I was about to edit it before it could be read by others but somehow people who never ever cared to even know the fact that I write, checked it on the very next day.. Moments before I was about to edit it…
I don’t know what took over me and wrote that blog but I really didn’t mean to hurt anybody... I have hurt people who care for me and for whom I really care about a lot... But believe me it wasn’t intentional…
I am not giving an excuse for what I did, but I just wasn’t myself that day...
You guys trusted me with your secrets and I being not a trustable person just spilled it all out... that was really so not like me... Guys though I have lost all rights to ask for this but still I ask for a second chance... I have spent reasonable time with you folks and I ask you to judge me by my past for once and drop this incidence… I know I may be asking a lot but please do grant me my request...
If it’s any consolation to you people I am feeling really very bad about this... Am so remorseful... Am so low... Now I am weaker that the weakest creature you guys can possibly imagine...
Guys I haven’t asked for it in the past and this is my first time… I don’t know how exactly I am doing it or probably am not convincing enough but fellas really I am very sorry…
All I can say it I mean every word of what I have written and cannot explain how exactly I am feeling now. I am on my knees begging for an apology, please do grant me one...
I really am gonna think twice before I write anything again...

P.S. I never knew my writing could be of such consequences…

Me: A sorry box?

Friends I have said it a hundred times and I am saying it again I am not a trustable person...I don’t know what makes you guys think I would understand your secretes or feelings... ok I am a good listener, wont spill your secretes, can make an understanding face while you are low, and can comfort you, but that doesn’t mean I qualify for listening all your crappy stuff regarding your sorry life..
I mean I am a good listener coz I made that a habit to listen other fellow being talking sense so I can learn a lot of diff. stuff about life.
And I can’t spill your secretes coz I myself have done so many censored stuff in my life which these sorry souls happens to know. So if I spill you spill....
The understanding face is actually the sorry face... I feel pathetic... I mean c’mon ... You can’t even cope up with your life problems yourself?? I really feel sorry for you people (not in a good sense though)... now I can’t really help with the face and your misunderstandings…
And comforting you is actually me making fun of you all...can you imagine me saying serious lines such as "you know you should probably reconsider your position... Think twice... blah blah..." I mean who doesn’t know this stuff and who can speak such stuff with earnest... I mock you guys when I say such stuff... and worst of all some people actually tend to follow the very "obvious" path I show them... if you had to follow that particular path you guys could have asked a 10 yr old kid...
Well you guys think I am understanding.. Well folks apply your brains (I know this could be hard for you)... I cant possibly say that what you are doing is wrong or don’t do it... coz then you would say that I am like the rest and doesn’t understand you and wont talk with me in future and I would loose a friend and reputation without even doing anything... So I just say whatever shitty stuff you guys are doing just keep it up coz it’s a part of teenage life and you guys are happy with that and think of me a understanding person. Well don’t complain if I have trouble keeping a straight face during such conversation... It’s really difficult to hold on laugh at such moments...
And please don’t complain to me about you sorry love lives... I haven’t experienced one myself to help you out… Go ask other fellas who have 4-7 girlfriends... why me who have more girls as enemy then as friends... all you guys achieve from such exercise is lame advise which wont take you anywhere but would just give or make you a laugh... and remind me of my sad position of my own love life..
How could you guys be so selfish?? How do you think it makes me feel to know about your sorry lives... it can really damage my tender mind... Haven’t you folk realized that? it really doesn’t feel great to know that a fellow good friend of mine is having trouble understanding his own parents or vice-versa... or his dad is forcing stuff on him or his parents have great expectation from him and he cant fulfill them... or that he misses being a social being and can boast of having at least one good friend or is always made fun off in groups and is never understood by people... and he portrays himself as a loser...well guys it might do you good telling me your stuff.. You might feel light but what about me.. I myself have trouble in my life though I don’t do around singing songs about them (let just this case be exceptional.. coz it was out of the limits now)...I don’t need your troubles and bothers in my life...it really makes me feel bad and sad that a good friend of mine is actually under a great stress... and fakes a happy nature... now it saddens me.. Every time I meet him now I can enjoy myself with him and have to be cautious so I don’t hurt his feelings... And have to worry about him... now what in the world I do to deserve that...only thing that comes good out of it is love my parents and family more that ever after such conversations... Really thank god I always had an understanding family… Other than realizing this already known truth this really doesn’t help me or you fellas out in anyway...
Yeah right... go on tag me as a mean guy or call me names but this is the fact and I would say you rather step into my shoes and feel what’s its like being Mother Teresa to all these sorry souls.. But whatever you do I don’t give a fu*k...
Now in conclude I would give one serious suggestion to all people if you have problem in your life, which we all face at one point of time or another, coz its the most basic happening of life or if you have trouble understanding a person, go and talk to your parents or to that person instead of talking to a mean person like me... got that.. So please spare me of all your life troubles I have enough in mine to handle yours....

P.S. I really really hope none of you read this... Just skip on this one please... won’t you?

Hostel I-Pod.

A year back, only one had it, now every alternate guy has it.

Well let me tell you the story from the beginning ... In my kota hostel(prayas) no one had the Ipod. Few mp3 players and cd players but no ipods. I had an ipod due, coz my sis had just went to US and was about to send me one.... but she didn’t do it coz no one was coming back to India anytime soon but then suddenly out of the blue kushagr got an ipod.. a 80 G.B. ipod.... we were all so excited... we had so much of illegally downloaded music collection(which would later play an important role)... and so many unseen movies... we downloaded converters and their keys torrents came before orkut or facebook...came to know and broke so many conditions and problems which apple guys put it in order to avoid coping songs from a pod(guys there are really very creative but they couldn’t beat us)... everyday we would convert movie"s", and watch them together cramped in jaydeep's room(coz he had a double bed) with pod in center connected with a set of very very cheap I-ball speakers... (Sigh) good 'old days...

Then my sis decided to ship me the pod and I suddenly was the owner of a 4 G.B. nano ipod with the engraving,
"World's greatest brother
Raghav"

Man I was so happy.. mine was the legally bought (and still i am the only one who can claim that)...and was engraved with words with so much emotion in them and best of all it was a Ipod.... kushagr’s pod got a bit loose coz now people could take my pod for listening music and Kushagr's was reserved only for those who wanted to watch a movie(a note to inform the readers that the person who used Kushagr's pod least was Kushagr himself.. till now he has heard only around 150 songs from 7000 illegally downloaded songs but has watched 100s of movies thanks to me though)... so came in the second pod.. Mine... The one with best music compilation...

Then after a year came in new guys...
Tanmay
Gujrati (sorry but i till this date doesn’t know his real name)
UtsavVaibhav

Well Tanmay got a 30 G.B. pod with probably worst compilations and worst arrangements with him, Gujrati got another 80 G.B (which is least used by others) and Utsav got an 8 GB ipod Touch with him. We were once again exited... i mean ipod touch was still new and it had so many amazing features but then my pod was suddenly not valued.. i mean its just 4 gb... but it still had the best song compilation which everyone copied so it couldn’t count as a bonus point and the best softwares which would help you do almost anything with a pod. Which again everyone copied... then suddenly out of the blue Vaibhav got 16 gb ipod touch and Utsav got its pod software updated which means we had another ipod and will soon be able to get new games on ipod touch to play on...
Now folks you may think that with so many pods our life would be on a smooth ride but instead it became a bit difficult on free nights… I am presenting a small conversation to prove my point.

(its a true conversation with no exaggeration)

T (Tanmay): Kushagr i need your pod for night
K (kushagr): Raghav asked for it.
T: Raghav I am taking kushagr's pod.
Me: But I want to watch 21 tonight.
T: Take my pod it has 21 on it.
Me: But after that I need to watch the kingdom.
T: yaar watch it tomorrow.
Me: I have to study tomorrow.
T: ok watch the kingdom on kushagr’s pod then take my pod and give me kushagr’s
Me: that’s fine but I might just sleep watching.
T (applying force on his tiny little brains) : Vaibhav Pod has the kingdom...
Me: ok then I’ll take both yours' and Vaibhav
Me: Vaibhav is your pod free?
V (Vaibhav): i want to listen to music.
Me: take my pod for it.
K Hey, I thought I was getting your pod.
V: ok I’ll have Tanmay’s pod
Me: I am having it
V: but you were having my pod?
Me: I am having both of yours coz i need to watch few movies.
V: Ok then I’ll have kushagr's
T: I am having it.
V: what’s this? I want a pod.
Me: take Utsav's
V: Utsav I need your pod for night.
U (Utsav): ok give me your pod.
V: Raghav is having it.
U: ok Raghav give me your pod.
Me: Kushagr's is having it.
U: Kushagr?
K: Tanmay.
Utsav: Tanmay?
Me: I having his too.
Utsav: you guys mean I sleep for one night without pod.
We (in unison): yeah!!

So after many more minutes of futile arguments I, the only one with brains save the day by coming with a brilliant idea:

Me: Tanmay let me have kushagr's pod you have Vaibhav’s and you can watch wanted and other movie. Vaibhav can have mine and kushagr can have Tanmay's.... and Tanmay you can take Kushagr’s pod tomorrow..

K: but I need my pod tomorrow.
Me: ok so we will fight again tomorrow but for today lets do this..
U: Can I have Tanmay's pod i need to watch 21.
K: ok give me yours' I'll watch wall-e on your pod..
Me: so it's all decided...

So friends we all went to our respective rooms with other's pod with us...
And the next day.. Well it was worse then this one...
(Sigh) sometimes I think life was better with few or no pods..

We fight like this 2-3 times in a week... and now the situation is so worse that we have come on to fight for earphones and speakers... (kushagr, Tanmay and I are the only ones with a speaker)...
So now I have decided to name my hostel "Hostel I-Pod" instead of prayas...
And I don’t think anyone would disagree… Would you guys?

Am I Weird?

i was just sitting and getting bored(which i mostly am) this thought came to my mind.. am i normal... i mean stuff i do isn't normal around here... even my sarcasm is different... most people retrain themselves from saying their true thinking about people to them... bad feelings mostly... i dint think twice before calling a person gay and stupid or dumb ass if i think he is... even to people i vaguely know or sometimes don't know at all.. like today at movie i just called person sitting in front of me Gaylord because he was making lot of noise.. at his face.. he was pretty hurt and angry but didn't bother me...and sometimes i am so full of chivalry.. would become so mannered would never hurt anyone and would lie to no limits to keep them happy.... and when it comes to lying, it sometimes make me feel scared coz i am so good at it.. making stories at that instant... can you people believe it a friend of mine actually believed that the coins i had in my rooms were earned by me through begging.. i mean i was just joking.. he took it so seriously.... he started asking me all weird question... i mean what the F.... he actually thought i would do it!!! Either he is too dumb or i was very good at it..There are other such incidences too... i mean is this normal???
And you guys should have a look at me when i am bored.. i can do anything t keep myself entertained... no matter how risky or dumb or weird it is.... i mean i made movies of my friends making fun of teachers made a saw rip-off.. started writing poetry, which i though was ubber gay.. Heck!! i even joined online game"s" which is the job of most jobless people..i even watched movies no one watches or would like to watch... even i hated every moment of it but still watched it coz i had nothing better to do(well actually i had to study but i would like to get bored then that.. don't get me wrong...) and i know all this and still do it...and i cant remove sarcasm from my language. i have to give dual meanings to everything.. and make fun of people who don't get them... really.. i know its sounds mean but i cant help it...i believe in all kind of not so Popular methods...i like being surrounded by friends but make no efforts to make new friends in fact am hostile toward new guys....and most weird thing is i accept all this things.. i mean it would have been lot easier and better if i said i like and do what all people do and denied doing all this and i just proved that if i wanted to lie it would be clean... to convince people i would use all the knowledge i have gained watching movies and reading books(don't get me started on book)... i would often sound as if i am a professional..i convinced my history teacher that she was wrong about Russian position behaviour with India while i had no idea whatsoever about it...most of my friends that's why avoid debating with me...and if you think you have heard it all, listen to this doing all of the above things i still manage to sleep for like 16 hours...
i know many teenagers life are screwed up but fin me one who tops this... this is not normal.. but the question am I extreme enough to be called weird???

Bansal Re-Union 2021!

So my friends, after a long time I am writing a blog (no one gives a damn but still..).. i and a friend of mine Abhinav were dissed about life dissing our sorry asses so we thought up this weird crap over a very sad pathetic cup of coffee...
This is about my and my friends' lives after 13 yrs... when we all will be 30...

2021:
(At gaurav towers bansal classes kota)..

I get out of a car. Looks at the building which took everything from us yet gave everything we have.. I turn my head and look the already present colorless gathering already present...some mourning (yes i repeat some, some only ,and only some) the death of our somewhat beloved guru Mr. V.K. Bansal.. Max. of the crowd is of girls wearing the bansal T-shirt which has "Bansalite today IITian tomorrow" written on it... i search for some familiar faces and was rewarded with a spectacle faced friend Abhinav Shubham..
I walk towards him and bearing a enthusiastic look in my eyes. Joy of meeting an old buddy from past..
He looks at me and gives me a bear hug and asks me about my life.. (sigh!!) about "my" life...(I am saying this coz till now i thought my life was saddest...)

Abhinav: (Rubs his nose)long time...
Me: (looking at Abhinav rubbing his nose) 13 yrs man..!
Abhinav: so back at Gaurav towers?
Me: what was your last batch again?
Abhinav: Shut the fu*k up.
Me: kidding.
Abhinav: so how’s your life?
Me:(sigh)so what about my life..(Looks away...stare at bansal classes board)
Abhinav: you know...your job. Your love life..

(Recounting my exp.)
At 20 i was this sharp kid at college.. Participated in every event.. got good grades... had buddies and a nice pocket money..But i realised that my hobbies of making videos and writing poetry isn't helping me out in getting touch in opposite gender...I had lots of girl buddies but i mean Literally i didn't get in touch... so one sad day i wrote this one last poem which somehow, to my surprise, became lyrics of a very famous song and overnight i became rich... Then this multi-national company hired me as a public representative coz i was famous and was good at twisting words and kicking peoples' asses in discussions..So on a look it may seem nice but still i am without love..
(Sighs again)

So now abhinav’s turn ....half of this crap is his actually so i hand it over to him now....
19 was the most wonderful year of my life ....college no worries....and a beautiful girl by my side...turns out life has been a downhill from then onwards....more like I went speed skiing with life....graduated and got a job with company exporting aircraft parts manufactured in India...got bored of my job at 25 and got a job as this game show quiz designer...got famous on the small screen but still found no love...
(Humph...sigh!!)

We both laughs at the irony and similarity of our lives but it has always been thus so who cares..
We then walk to our hangout place.. Our second home (first to many)... "U4"(for underprivileged people this is to inform you its a cyber cafe)..

(At U4)
We entered and once again we were surrounded by familiar faces....All telling us their conquest and struggles in life.. Their boring life actually made a interesting hearing...

Risky, Vivek and Vipin, these were the only guys who actually kept in touch, seems like U4 did them some good in the end. Turns out that Risky had this "innovative" idea of opening up this game learning school.. Where operators from all around the world came to learn new tricks to develop games... Risky who was the "brains" of the operation came up with new various ideas... while Vivek put them in execution and Vipin taught them to people... Vivek and Vipin couldn’t live without each other so they ended up taking a flat together..
But in case of love they were all losers... like us.. Their passion for comp. games repelled girls..

We met Jatin then or now so called Jayanti... Well Jatin always had horns for guys so he had this little sex change operation and turned into a woman... so Jatin ohh! Sorry.. Jayanti ...who was looking for love in all the wrong places.. But still lived a "satisfied" life...

Mihr came in next with a baby in his arm... The gujju was covered in gold chains and rings... looked like he inherited his father's business... we congratulated him but he wasn’t happy. Turns out that his life really was not as good as it looked... He was married to this girl his father chose for him.. He like a good son obeyed his father but the twist in the story is that Mihr realized that he was a bit queer than the rest.. Well he was a gay... really unhappy and confused.. His wife hated him for his inability to satisfy her so she divorced him... Mihr wanted to marry his "type"... but his father wouldn’t allow this so he was pretty lonely in his life....

We noticed a red head and wow it was Samrat... Samrat and his brother Ashish were in partnership but they broke up... One look at Ashish was enough to know the reason... It turns out that in the year in which Ronaldo was injured.. Ashish being a great fan of his couldn’t take it and went into serious drinking.. His face was unshaven and was wearing ManU Ronaldo Jersey.. He was watching Ronaldo's video on youtube.. we didn’t disturb him...

Next we met Ayush.. The only guy who had a successful love life... he got married to his High School sweet-heart... who happened to be a daughter of income tax officer... so it would be safe to say that Ayush was pretty satisfied with his life...

we looked around for Sankalp but couldn’t find him... Came to know that he didn’t have time to come as he was growing his hair like Einstein doing some chemical research and learning to sing his fav. song(You really don’t want to know about it).. Well that’s the Sankalp we always knew...

Nono (Nipun) came in next.. We all knew what he did in life.. Coz we laughed at him all the time... don’t get me wrong.. He took part in laughter challenge XV and won it.. So he was a successful comedian... even though he could make girls laugh but still no one took him "seriously".. So he was also a successful loser in his life...

Between all this we noticed something weird going in between Mihr and Jayanti... Jayanti couldn’t stop looking at Mihr and Mihr who thought that he liked guys came to know he was wrong.. He liked guys turned into women more...(sigh)They made a wonderful pair...

And then Adiwasi entered... He was still living with his Mother and was working at an amusement park for charity... He sat on "Hit me for 5 bucks" chair.. Well even his good deeds didn’t do him any good in finding love...

Suddenly I remembered Baron... I asked for him... people who knew him best told me he died...
He died at 29.... Turns out that he was diagnosed with lung cancer at 23... he quit smoking and took up drinking.. His kidney was removed at 26.... He quit drinking and took drugs... his body then just couldn’t bear anymore and gave in....

Well I just had to say it was heck of reunion or more like i should say weird thinking...
The idea was simple that if we continue our life like this we would have little social life... and guys just don’t come after me... Half of this was Maddy's (abhinav) idea...
Man we are seriously so jobless...

Few Of My Fav. Quotes.

Things should be made simple but not any simpler.
-Albert Einstein

It's better to burn away than to fade away.
-Kurt Cobain

Do you think heaven from hell?
-Roger Waters

I see myself as a boy playing on a seashore finding a shell now and then where as the vast ocean lay undiscovered before me.
-Issac Newton.

The idea that God is an over sized white male with a flowing beard who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by God one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity
- Carl Sagan

I like to think that it was so beautiful that it cant be expressed in words.
- Shawshank Redemption.

Some birds are not made to be caged, their wings are just to bright, and when that bird ecapes the part in you which knew it was wrong to cage that bird rejoices. but you do feel an empty void.

-Shawshank Redemption.

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason than possibilty of life is destroyed.

- Into The Wild

People who think that humans walked on this earth with dinosaurs are watching Flintstones as if it was a documentary.
-Lewis black

I don't know who said these but they are good.

If you are falling from a cliff try to fly, you have got nothing to loose.

If you believe in fate than choice is only an illusion.