Life Sucks!

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity." - Voltaire

Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves, but ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are.

If you're a happy person, you don't feel trapped. If you're surrounded by people who you love and who love you, if you can do what you want to do in life, if you are at peace with who you are, why would you ever feel trapped? You wouldn't want to change yourself, you wouldn't need to try.

If you're a happy person, hey, you got lucky! Go back to the previous blog, you'll find nothing of interest here.


I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not either. Maybe you're too fat, or too thin, too old, or too young. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. So you struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, life sucks.

But of course you're not going to give up so easily; you're going to keep struggling to solve your problems, to change yourself, to find happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is. But still, life sucks.
The forces which created you, random or otherwise, have spoken. And they've determined that, for you, life sucks.


Let's assume, for a moment, that there is a God. We may not know the nature of God, or which religion comes closest to the truth, but we can be sure of one thing:


God does not love you.


Look at all the cruelty and misery in the world, which God does nothing to stop. Right now, as you are reading this, there are children in various places around the world being raped and tortured. Most of us would risk our lives; give up our lives, to save them if we could. God stands by and does nothing. God has abandoned these children, and clearly does not love them.
God does not love you, either. There are some religions which claim that "God's love is a different kind of love", which is supposed to explain and justify what appears to be God's divine indifference.

This is total bullshit. If I claim that I love my neighbor, and then set his house on fire and shoot him in the head, anyone can see that my "love" is not love at all.

Another fallacy along these lines is the statement that, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle in life". This is a ridiculous statement. Go to a mental institution, go to the ward for those who are seriously disturbed, and you'll see people who just sit and rock back and forth all day, staring off into space, or screaming at nonexistent terrors.

God has given them more than they could handle, and now they're totally broken. You have no loving God watching over you, making sure you get what you need. You don't get what you need in life, you don't get what you want, and you don't get what you deserve. You get what you get.


If you ask people why they do the things they do in life, they will give you sensible sounding reasons which seem to explain their decisions. We like to believe that we exercise sound judgment, especially in the important decisions of our lives.

I think that this is rarely true. I think that standard operating procedure for human decision making is to do what feels right to you at the time, and then to give logical sounding justifications for what you were already going to do anyway, whether you had justifications or not.
So, if you are pregnant, and want to get an abortion, you will be able to give any number of reasonable sounding explanations why this is the right decision. You're not ready to be a parent, or you need to finish your education or get to a better point in your career, or you don't have enough money, etc. If instead you want to keep the baby, you will explain how even though you will have some extra difficulties due to the lack of money or whatever, you will certainly be up to the challenge to make your life work with the baby, how being a parent will be good for you, what a great parent you'll make, how it will bring you and the father closer together, and so on.
In either case, none of these will be the real reason for your decision. The real reason for your decision will always be, "I did it because I wanted to do it".

Another example, marijuana is illegal in most of the world, while alcohol is legal, despite the fact that alcohol is a far more dangerous drug than marijuana in every way. People consider marijuana to be a dangerous drug, while they think of alcohol as being a fun beverage. They consider those who sell marijuana to be drug dealers, the scourge of society who should be hunted down and imprisoned, while those who sell alcohol are of course not placed in the same category. Logically speaking, it should be the other way around. Alcohol tends to make many people aggressive, leading to a variety of violent crimes, while marijuana does not. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and leads to a serious loss of coordination and motor skills. At larger doses, alcohol renders one completely unconscious. Drunk drivers cause enormous numbers of automobile accidents and deaths. Marijuana is not a central nervous system depressant, and while one probably shouldn't drive while intoxicated on anything, it simply does not cause anywhere near the loss of motor control that alcohol does, and is only a fraction as dangerous as alcohol in terms of driving. But people are looking at this based on their feelings. Marijuana feels like a drug to them. It's illegal, isn't it? Alcohol feels like a fun beverage. It's legal, and socially acceptable, so it feels ok, so it must be ok.

All of this is illogical and stupid, and typically human. And it’s frustrating to be amongst such people.

I don't know how common this is, but for me, the main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.

I have a few people out there who I care about, or who care about me, but no real intimacy with anyone. Worse yet, this is a long term pattern with me, it's been going on for enough years yet that it's quite possible I will be alone for the rest of my life.

This totally sucks.

I would like to have friends I could be truly close to, someone that I could be in love with, but I'm psychologically fucked up enough that I don't know how to make this happen. I like to think that if I had love and intimacy in my life, life wouldn't suck nearly as much.

And hell, I think I've reached the point where I'm jealous of cult members. Those poor deluded fuckers who shave their heads and dance around in public begging for donations, or the heaven's gate suicide cult, at least they have a sense of purpose, of belonging. They must have a sense of devotion for their beloved cult leaders.

There is no meaning left to life when you're disconnected from everyone. You feel isolated and in that isolation you fuck your life even more.

Maybe life sucks because we're all really just big brained primates who were meant to be living in small tribal groups hunting and gathering food, and our pain is the natural result of our living in an unnatural environment.

Or maybe life sucks because we haven't turned our lives over to Jesus or Allah or Yahweh or whoever the One True God happens to be.

Or maybe life sucks because we all have chemical imbalances in our brains.

Or maybe life sucks because we don't know the ultimate cause of, or the solution to, life's problems. I don't know how to end this. If you think you have any helpful advice or words of wisdom email me and let me know.



P.S. 1) This is NOT totally my original work. I took help from internet forums on various things. I have just compiled them in my own way.
2) I wrote it when I was having my kota blues. So it may seem real depressing.
3) Do give me your insights on this one.