NOTE: This is a sequel to my previous post "Tears". I would suggest readers to read "Tears" before reading this to have a better understanding of this post.
And he took another sip from his glass.
"...and that's another thing wrong with you, do you have any idea how much damage that causes to your body? No wonder you lo..."
He reluctantly put the glass down. He was now habitual of his parents pointing out his mistakes. He knew he deserved it and he knew he was going to face it but what he didn't know was it would continue for this long. He had promised himself that he won’t cry again and he was resolved to keep his promise. He gulped his tears along with the last sip before reluctantly putting the glass down. They always said time makes you hard and helps you in forgetting stuff. But none of the above stood true for him. He still remembered everything.
He remembered all the fun he had while he should have been working. The laughing, making jokes, hanging out with friends, doing his thing, All that came right in front of him. He wished these memories would just vanish. They made him feel guilty. They reminded him of time spent and time wasted. He had tried hard to forget his past and start a new beginning. But he just couldn't. However hard he may try to forget them, deep inside he knew he didn't want them to go. Those memories were the thing that kept him sane, kept him company when he was alone in his room, brought smile to his face, made his heart beat a little faster. Those memories reminded him how good life was to him yet he wanted to forget those. He was really confused about he should feel. A part of him regretted ever doing it. He cursed himself day and night for been ignorant. For not giving back life what he should have. These were the real reasons coz of which he had to face what he was facing. But still he missed having all that. The last time he truly laughed or was carefree was probably month’s backs. He carved to get out of this situation.
"... ver listen to us, what has happened to you. You don't talk anymore. You don't participate in gatherings you just stay in your room whole day sleeping or god knows doing what."
He came back to present. He was having another "conversation" with his family. His mother complained on regular basis he didn't talk anymore. He wondered what was there to talk about now? His parents said and one should know his mistakes also the faults one has made in his life so he may not repeat it. A very fine thought indeed; but what if the person already new about his mistakes and all he needed to prove himself was a chance, was an opportunity. Wouldn't discussing mistake of such person over and over again make him feel sad rather than helping him? Wouldn’t it make him feel guilty and even may kill his enthusiasm of redeeming his past mistakes, wouldn't it do an irreparable damage to his self confidence? He in the beginning felt guilty. The time passed by yet the family conversations never showed any signs of differing his feeling changed. He was not sure if he could be angry. After all he had done, did he even have the right? He then started to avoid them but even that didn't work. He then thought of telling his parents what he truly felt.
They would surly understand him. They were co-operative. They had said they have forgiven him. Yes, he would tell them what he felt and then he would not have to worry. These lines always comforted, gave him hope but he feared what if it didn't work? What if they didn't understand? What if they thought he was being ignorant as he was in the past? What if it made them think he is not even ready to accept his mistakes and can’t even tolerate his parents improving on them? He couldn't hurt the sentiments of his parents anymore and also he couldn't imagine making this situation even worse. There was no end to this debate so he kept to himself.
"...son are you? You don't even reply to us? You don't comment about anything we have to say? Earlier you had something to say on everything weather it was your business or not. Now yo..."
His parents thought anyway that he was being rude by not saying anything but in reality he couldn't say anything. He cant say what he was really thinking and just nodding on to their suggestions were not helping much either. His mother was very much tensed about him. She thought probably he living away from home had made him indifferent towards his family. He wanted to correct them. He wanted to tell them he loved and cared about them but it wasn't just in his nature to express his emotions and he already had accepted this and had made himself capable of listening to anything they have to say and yet remain passive. His parents were hurt occasionally by his behavior but he thought he was saving them from a greater pain by remaining so. He felt sorry for enduring this on his family and himself but he couldn't see anyway out. He felt his knees go weak again. He really wished he could have another sip from his glass.
His parents said they had forgiven him yet their actions never showed it... They said they understood his pain and they were always there for him. Yet he couldn't feel their warmth even when he was with them. He was tired showing them that he had changed, that he wanted to work hard. Because of one mistake of his life were they going to pull him down forever? Did they forget his glorious past? He would remind them that. Weather they like it not. He wasn't sure what to do, he was really confused. His hands subconsciously reached for the glass. His mother pointed that out to him. And that did it, he wouldn't take it anymore. He had had enough. He took a deep breath only to let it help him yell loudly and effectively. He made his angry face and was about to release the frustration that had been stored in him for months. The depression, the letdown; he was to end it all. And then he saw it. In that fraction of second when he was at heights of his emotions, which he had buried for some time he saw it all. He saw the genuineness of concern on his parents face. He realized that these two would be the last person on earth to feel, think or do something bad about him. How could he be so blind? How come he didn't see it before? They didn't nag him. They were proud of him and they just wanted their old son back; One that fought, one that loved, one that was active, one that was always smiling. They were just waiting for him to come back. And they really did. He closed his half opened mouth. The crease on his forehead started disappearing as they started forming on his parent’s forehead. He started smiling.
"What happened? You think this is funny? yo...”
He continued smiling and said "Dad I thought match was on? And mom I am really hungry can we talk about this sometime later"
His parents were caught off their guard but his father managed a nod. His mother got up to make his favourite. Snack. They didn't realize but out of Conner of his eyes he noticed his dad smiling and his mother wiping away a single tear from her face...
P.S. 1) This is just a piece of my imagination with no relevance, whatsoever with any living being I know.
2) I have to thank pri for helping me complete.
3) Any suggestions, comment or complement would be appreciated.
