Age Clan Match.

DISCLAIMER: This blog may contain content which is offensive and is not be read by nerds and Mama's boys... Offences in the blog are taken lightly over here by people; still I would like to mention that no offence was meant...if you are not use to serious abusing and are not fluent with basic Hindi you are better off not reading this particular piece...
Writer is not responsible for any mental trauma and deviation which could be caused be reading this.

Time: 9:00 P.M.
Location: U4 caber-cafe.

It was supposed to be just another 5 minute visit. Usual round of checking mails and see if there any new movie worth taking on pod...
As I enter I see most of the computers booked and people with headphones on, never taking eye off the screen and hands off the mouse and keyboard and shouting at the top of their voices to send the villagers onto the battle field to make castles...

(Sigh) Just Another clan match.

I was witnessing another Age Of Empire clan match. 4 on 4...
At this moment I realize it was not going to be my planed 5 min. visit... I take a seat behind Maddy (Abhinav shubham’s game name) and watch the fairly even matched team trying to outdo each other... I was in time when the players were about to start making the army and only one had started researching for imperial age... As soon as I make my presence known to these people I am asked to sit behind Utkarsh to help him out with the game... in the process of me shifting from one seat to another three other people research for imperial...
Me: Civilization?
Utkarsh: Vikings.
Me: Heavy? (For underprivileged souls this is to inform you we call heavy scorpions a unit in game just heavy)…
Utkarsh: yes.
Me: university researches?
Utkarsh: I think I have covered them all.
Me: what you mean you think? Chemistry? Murder holes? Siege Engineering? And forth research of blacksmith?
Utkarsh: There is a research in blacksmith??
Me: do it fast. And why do you so less wood when you are supposed to make a wood spending unit…
Utkarsh: abe yaar, it’s not gathering fast. I don’t know why.
Me: go to your second town center and get villagers out and make them work on forest and make at least 8 workshops. Fuck! You haven’t researched the up gradation... Maddy send utkarsh 2000 food...
Maddy: abe yaar I can’t. I am making the army… I'll send 1000…
Me: chal ok…
So we start making our army them and attack them first and are greeted with their arrow firing castles…
Me: pala se maar… treb nikalo..
Mihr(Making and managing paladins): Abe halbedier aa gaye.
Me: abey pala piche le.. mere heavy aa rahi hai..
On the other side
Vivek(making halbedier): abey haevy.. vipin where is your siege?
Vipin: on its way
Me:Fuck! Siege maddy use your dande (elite eagle warriors) to destroy the siege...
Maddy: coming
Me: Fuck my whole unit is destroyed. (One whole unit contains approx 40 units. Yes. I know. We do beat S.I. system of counting)
Mihr: I need heavy halberdiers are raping me.
Me: They are under construction and few are on its way.
Mihr: kya yaar make them fast.
Me: abe seige fucked me hard.
Maddy: I broke his seige workshops.
Me: My heavy is ready let’s attack.Vipin: abey maddy your dande are killing my trade carts.
Maddy: fuck you, bastard! Put them up in your ass. They are not mine.
Vivek: if they aren’t yours then do they belong to your father?? You are the only one making dande..
Vipin (pausing the game): abey i am not playing. All my trade carts died and your castle was very near to base.
Vivek: yes, and acid (my game name) is playing instead of utkarsh... 5 on 4 ho raha hai...
Mihr: Don’t piss me off! And just play..
Vipin: we will still beat you.
Acid: abe first save your base..
(In between) Chamar: oye raghav should I start on the time (he can’t speak proper Hindi so no proper English for him)
Me: abe i am not playing (yes, I know ironic)..
Mihr: abey unpause kar...
(So again we continue fighting on the battle field and in real life).
Vivek: fuck you, Randi (well its not a abuse but nickname of our friend jatin or jayanti whatever he oh! sorry she… fuck, its confusing...) where is your pala?
Randi: abey I don’t have enough food.
Vipin: He is really a randi. I told you not keep him in team.

So after few ups and downs, we finally take the attacking base of our enemy… And thus win the game... before the game ended I knew what was about to come...

Vivek: abey it was unfair. Acid played instead of utkarsh.Me: I just helped him in attacking… He played most of the game
Vivek: But that’s the main thing... if his heavy wouldn’t have come my halberdiers would have fucked the paladins...
Mihr: Fuck you. Those were my pala.. Even your dad couldn’t have touched them.
Vivek: Stay in your limits.
Mihr: so you would tell me my limits? There is not enough strength in your ass to do that.
Vivek: shut your mouth. If you want to prove something come 1on1 feudal attack.
Miher: chal aaja L2P (losers to pay for you people)
So as they were setting down to another abuse promising game Ashish comes and asks:
"Football anyone?"
vivek: chal let’s go.
Mihr: Afraid to play with me?
Vivek: Fucker we will play tomorrow. But abhi lets play football.
(Sigh) Just another clan match...
When people ask me what do I do at cafe… I just smile...

Stay tuned coz soon I'll be posting the C.S. (counter strike) clan scenario...which is very different and more wilder...

Boys will always be boys...

P.S. I tried my best to translate Hindi sentences in English and still express what exactly it feels like playing the game.(though I do use many Hindi words now and then)