I Finally Call It a Day

I haven't been blogging quite regularly so it isn't really a big news but nevertheless the formal announcement I will make now; this blog is closed and down for good.

I started this blog to have a laugh with my friends in kota, also maybe this was a place where we could pour down our frustration and share our views without someone interrupting us. Well we aren't teenagers anymore and I don't anymore get to share my laugh with the awesomest friends I have ever had.

This blog was written in your memory and I dedicate it to you all. May we all remember each other and maybe sometime, somewhere we will meet again. Then I will write on this blog again, to share our laugh.

To my beloved Kota-Brotherhood.

Good-Bye.

The Darker Side Of Grey.

Loki. In Norse myth this guy is considered to be both hero and villain. He is presumed to be a god initially who helps other gods on various points and save their asses but slowly and gradually his giant side siege control and causes trouble for them. According to many scholars Loki tries to make his mark by doing a bit of mischief here and there but then he reaches a point where he couldn't control himself which eventually caused the death of Baldr (beautiful god of sunrise and sunshine). In the end, gods are so confused regarding him that they decide it’s too dangerous for him to roam free; thus he is bounded with a snake dripping venom on his face and it’s his discomfort that causes earthquakes. It is also said that on the day of Ragnarok he will break free from his bounds and make an army of giants to fight against gods and kick their asses too.

So was Loki bad? Did he deserve the punishment? OK, he was responsible for death of a god but he had also saved many on quite a few occasions. Was he really out of control? Did gods really need to diminish the status of Loki from a god to an evil giant?

Loki was known to be a shape-shifter. His most famous shape is that of a snake. It’s an irony that its snake venom that tortures him in the end though. He was a magician (A rarity in Norse myth), a smooth talker and a very good liar. While Loki is associated with fire he is most commonly known as god of mischief. In fact scholars to this day argue on the origin of the name Loki.

So again was Loki bad? I personally think Loki was just a bored god. He just wanted to have some fun and the problem with him was he just didn't know where to draw the line. Every time he did something, he would need to do something even bigger next time to keep his thrill intact. When to stop or how to channel those emotions he didn't know thus leading to the death of Bladr. Loki wasn’t bad bad, he was just looking for some fun. He was like a little kid wanting to harass gods just to see their reactions. According to me he is one of the most misunderstood gods. I mean people bow down and pray to Zeus (a god which killed his own father and son. Cheated with his own brothers and etc etc) but when it comes to Loki people can’t even decide of he should be treated as a god or as an evil giant.

So why am i rambling about a mythical Norse god? It’s not like I am a preacher. Well the reason is while most people would like to associate themselves with Zeus or Heracles or Achilles maybe even Ajax or Odysseus or Poseidon, I like to associate myself with Loki.

Yes, i see more of myself in god of mischief. A known liar and trouble-maker. I can see or rather understand why he would make the decisions that he did. In fact I would go to the length of saying in his positions I would have made those choices too. Who wants a boring dull life? Where you wake up every day, do your daily chores, be a Mr. two legged goodie-goo and the sleep peacefully. Where is the fun in that? On the other hand if you are mischievous, you make errors you interfere in the happenings of the world; you keep yourself engrossed. You are always on the edge never bored or idle. Your mind is always sharp, meeting and conversing with people becomes all the more interesting. If you really eve try to influence a person and then see it actually happening the sense of power it gives you is over-whelming. It’s more intoxicating than any drug in this world. Trust me when i say this.

I have realized my polite social small talk has the life span of 2 minutes. For 2 minutes I can smile and ask all the questions in whose answers I am least interested in. 2 minutes and then the awkward silence of "what's next?" creeps in. Whereas when I am discussing work I can talk for hours. Hours non-stop. It maybe coz it gives me something to talk about rather than making small talks but I think its coz when I talk about work I always on some level am trying to influence the listener; thus I don’t quit until I have succeed.

Also one of the reason for me connecting with Loki is I don’t see this world in black or white. I would say grey but truly speaking I see no colors. Every action for me has become just that, an action, nothing more and nothing else. While people judge actions I just analyze them. I see if they have caused more harm than good but i still don’t condemn them. I can accept anything good or bad as it comes as long as it isn't affecting me. I heard this quote sometime back somewhere that

"There is always a reason behind everything bad that happens now. Now every psycho has a disease unlike good old times when they were just bad people. World had just good and bad people not these diseased ones."

This quote is basically made for people like me. People who can’t make conclusions based on simple given facts. People who always assume there is something more and thus hold their judgments. Still what if I say I agree with this quote. Good old times were better. A plain concept of black and white. It seems so relaxing to imagine such an easy world. But doesn't saying this contradict with everything i have said till now. Maybe it’s one of the reason i connect with Loki so much. I can’t seem to predict my own decision let alone let the world do that. Same happened with Loki and it was the inability of the gods to understand and predict him that made them hate him so much.

But isn't it more fun to be my way. When you know what is going to happen around you yet you never know what it is that you are going to do. When you have power to change your world at your will. The change is for good or for bad is another story altogether. You might argue you can do this even if you see colors, even if you connect with people, even if you have emotions. And i will say no, No you can’t. The reason? Well coz it clouds your judgments. If you like/dislike someone your actions for him or against him are bound to be affected by your emotions.

But not everyone has to be Loki or me. People should know when to draw the line. when not to have fun. They should know when simple pranks becomes sins. A time has to come when people need to come out of grey and see black and white.

I? I am past that. i prefer the grey. Makes me feel more enlightened than rest of the mortals. while they debate on whether a thing is good or bad i look at them, smile at their stupidity and think what i can do to make it work in my way.

Bloody mortals. No wonder they never really understood ways of Loki.

The "S" period part 2: The clash of the gangs.

It has been due for a long long time. But with pestering friends like garv and aabhas one cant simply ignore. so gather around kids coz its again story time. We shall continue from where we left in S period part one.
for the new readers(like i will ever get one) who don't know the previous part i would suggest you to read that part first.

So no more wait now. Lets begin our tale from the ancient teenager book titled.what I did in kota\how I ruined my life\How I met most awesome friends and did crap with them.

So it begins with me sleeping in my room(like it always begin, well mostly, other times its either in movie hall or cafe and of course restaurant). So i am peacefully sleeping in my room and i am awaken by calls of our hero of the story yet again garv. My first response is of course a very predictable one. i throw hundreds of curses at him. call him all the names i have in the book and when i fell short i invent some and then throw them at him. I am usually not so crappy when someone wakes me up(well who am i kidding) but i knew garv wont call me for a movie or dinner but to ask about you know the "S" girl. and i was kinda tired of it. i was losing too much sleep coz of it for my liking. I mean seriously! i had to wake up at 7 in morning to go to school to keep an eye on her and now he wont let me sleep in evening. Anyways reluctantly i pick his call and am taken a back by the seriousness of his tone. Now i am concerned, he was serious even considering the alternative that he was just "missing" her. So, i listen and this is what he says

"Raghav dumb-ass you were sleeping? how come you always sleep whenever there is an important issue(i did want to counter him by my above argument but i let him be). Mihir(my lovely friend) and ayush(my lovely cousin) have went to fight with the guy and his friends alone in front of their hostel now with a baseball bat."

I know... i know you have too many questions now. hold you guns will you. Let me explain.

The guy in particular is the boy friend of the girl with whom our hero of the story was in love with. and my two dear brave friends had gone to "talk" to him in order to convince him to make the girl apologize to our hero for her rude remarks which are mentioned in previous story. It was supposed to be a harmless conversation which the guy aggravated by calling his friends. Where did the baseball bat figure in the harmless conversation failed my puny brains though.

Anyways moving in our story. Now i am fully awake. In fact i feel tensed. I grab my phone,wallet,ipod(yes even then taking ipod with me was considered imp by me) ,keys and take an auto to the guy's hostel. i am concerned. Not for my friends. They were ayush and mihir. i was concerned for the guy and his friends. I mean garv hadn't given me good news.

There were 13 guys along with 5-7 local guys on bikes and they had surrounded my two friends. They were bound to think they can get better of them. I was shit scared if they in their ignorance even touch them we will have to simply kill them. The hell which we will break loose will be too messy. I didn't want them to suffer such fate(i am a human after all i guess). I tell auto guy to hurry.

I am talking to garv all the while on phone. and keeps narrating me the scene like a live cricket show. I ask him where exactly he was. i mean how could he talk to me like that in front of them. He then tells me he wasn't exactly there but two houses away where they couldn't see them but he could see them. i now call him all the names i had thought off when he had awoken me. I mean there were his friends risking their asses for him and he was hiding; not that they needed help but still.

By this time i reach the place I get down to where garv was and get a quick update on the scene. And ask him to come with me to the scene which he bluntly refuses. it took more name callings from my side but he finally agreed(rather i pushed him to the place). Now i see before me some guys from our side had managed to come too. there was nipun and aabhas already there. They were calmly sitting over there with mihir and ayush standing in the mid of circle made by their guys and a verbal feud was going on. The baseball bat was ominously visible in mihir's hand.

Now some of you who know me personally(basically who have seen how physically weak i am) would wonder what would my role be in this fight? i can hardly provide any help if not be any liability myself. Well i am the guy who can talk and curse and make you feel bad about yourself. My job was to stand behind the wall of mussels formed by my friends and while they trash the other guys physically i was to throw mental abuse(yes, we had it all planned out).

So i prepare myself to enter the battle field. I arm myself with all the swear words. I revise my opening statements but they throw a surprise at me. I wasn't expecting this. they take me off my guards completing. One of the guys from their side who was fighting verbally with mihir turn to me, looks at me and says

"Hey raghav! how are you?"

I got confused. I mean he was from opposite side right? why was he wishing me? Didn't he know i am from the side that was gonna kick his ass. i just ignore him and move to nipun and asks him what was going on. He tells me in plain words "He is five minutes away." I nod and confront the opposite gang.

"oh! so what are you fuckers up to?" i begin with my opening statement. They turn to me amused; one of the brave souls begin counting us

"one...two...three...four...five...six... tats it! we are 20 people. you think you can get better of us?"

I scan all their faces. most of them were my school mates and since they were my school mates they would know not to screw around with me and in their local guys section the most prominent figure was my friend who wouldn't go against me(He managed to keep his girl friend coz of me. He owed me money too. To think of it i do help a lot of people with their respective girl issues). so the local guys were out too. there were in reality only 4 ignorant guys who didn't know our might and one in particular who along with the counting guy was speaking way too much for our liking. Never the less. just to shut his numbering up i greet the local guy i knew. He acknowledges me. I ask him

"what are you doing over here?"

"Nothing. A friend asked me to come and help them."

"against me?" I ask.

"I didn't know." He replies.

The fat guy who pointed the numbers out shuts up now and tries to be a man by hinting he is all ready to go. The other guy seemed to agree with him. Up to this point the five minutes get over. and our main guy arrive. Heman bhaiya!(You will hear his name mentioned in lots of old posts of mine).

Now i wont be able to do justice in explaining what happened at the scene as soon as they realised who came to our side but i will try my best. They all simply panicked. The guy who was talking too much starting talking even more but this time is tone and words changed. Now he was all like

"oh! hemant bhaiya! they are your students? i didn't know. I am sorry. i didn't mean any offence to them. I didn't even touch them. see they came with the bat, i didn't even do anything. You explain to them"

Hemant bhaiya didn't say a word and we all burst out laughing. Mihir swelled his chest more and said

"now count fucker!".

The guy who pointed the numbers our nearly shit in his pants. He took three steps backwards. The hostel warden came to the other gangs rescue by asking us to clear up. He pushed one of our guys and then we saw hemant bhaiya at his mighty self. He got down from his bike and pushed the grown 40 yr old warden away saying

"I didn't touch your students how dare you touch mine! stay away let the kids talk"

Needless to say the puny warden didn't bother us after that. And those poor little kids shit in their pants a bit more.

People would keen observation would notice that our hero and the boyfriend. who were supposed to be the prominent figures in this story till this point didn't do shit!. they just kept standing. bloody cowards.

So we reach an agreement that he would ask the "S" girl to call my friend up and apologise. As soon as it looked things would get sorted out. I hear a thunderous slap TADAAAK!

Mihir had slapped the guy who was talking too much for our liking and oh my god what a slap it was! as soon as mihir slapped the boyfriend tried to be a hero but ayush locked his neck up.

Now my dear readers, you should know ayush is a six feet tall basketball player. if he locks your neck, you stay in one place and pray that your neck doesn't break. Hemant bhaiya sorts the commotion out. And he sends the other gang away(shoo away will be more correct term).

But before they went one of us duly pointed out to the counting guy

"We were two and you were twenty and still see who got slapped and by whom".

surprisingly the guy who talked a lot had no reply for this.

By this time all our other friends come too bringing their bats with them and are disappointed when they see us returning.

"Did we miss the fun?" They asked.

I only thanked god for had they come before hemant bhaiya, we would have beaten the hell out of those poor little fuckers.

And the story ends the way it always does. We end up in restaurant with garv paying the bill and we making fun of him.

So kids. Here ends another fairly tale of our kota years. Hope you didn't sleep by the end of it and enjoyed. Next time maybe i will tell you how i killed a dragon with my bare hands using the sexual powers of mihir. Till then

May the force be with you!!!

Happy New Decade

yeah... yeah... yeah... i know i haven't written something in ages. some of you even might have thought i was dead. But balls. its gonna take a lot more to have me dead. Here i am a bit rusty on my writing, wishing you all(my 10 readers) a very happy and eventful new year. And as it is also the beginning of new decade, i wish you all actually be that what you want to be after 10 years from now.

But lets be frank you really think you would be able to achieve that? Most of you lazy bones aren't even capable of continuing their new years resolution for a week. you think you would last for 10 years.

yes i know this is not the typical wish where people would wish you a "happy new year" you would say "thank you and same to you" and move along on your separate ways. No. This is my wish. And its like me... crabby. So bear with me while i crib about various things. you think you wont? Balls. if you had that kind of intelligence you wouldn't be here. the fact you have read this till here proves you will read it till end.

Look at you people. full of hope happiness and energy. You think this new year is gonna be diff than the previous one. that its gonna bring something better in your life? haven't you learned from your past you puny human. the good never out weights the bad. why do you think they say good bad and ugly not good better best. coz everyone know this world is full of shit and its easier to find shitty stuff that smells even worse than you. This year is gonna be like all these years. Shitty. you think you can do better this year well think again. and if you still think the same and think again you dumb witted.

What are you looking forward to? better grades? promotion? success? yeah right! best of luck for all that. just hope you actually reach your goal before you die in a terrorist attack or drown in flood caused by global warming. and check out of the guy who works next to you he will always be there to beat you ass. well thats my advise to you. take it its free you dumb ass. you know how hard its to find free stuff. now even customer care has started charging for calls. goodnight to all that night fun. As far as i can see you face more chances of bankruptcy this year than success but then you are happy so i wont bring you down.

But all said and done this is a new year and you can always have a new start though i dont see the point. so...

Happy New Year

P.S. the title says happy new decade coz i didn't wanna publish a happy new year post like every one else(yes hypocrite is my second name)
And i am only writing this coz i was forced to by asmi as a new year cliche'

Being Single

It’s been some time since I have blogged. Well there were many things I wanted to share but I couldn’t manage time. But this recent idea of mine I just couldn’t resist sharing.

For the most part of my life I have cribbed about the fact that I am single. Well any guy who is 18 and single would crib about it. But recently I had a revelation. I just realized how being single is actually an awesome thing. I meant really think of it when you are single, you can do whatever you want to, whenever you want to. You can be selfish you just have to think about yourself. You don’t have to add anyone else in your plan. You can dream about your future. Just yours'. You can be free you can look at other girls and make comments on them. Be with your friends as much as you want. You get free from texting all night. No compulsory chatting. You don’t have to remember unnecessary dates or stuff. You remember just what you want to remember. You don’t have to adjust. You don’t have to care about what you are wearing or how are you looking. You can takes bath in weeks and shave when you wish to. You just focus on your life instead of thinking about the next meet or the previous meet. You don’t feel embarrassed in showing you leg hair. You don’t have to do anything for anyone else until you don’t want to. You get spared from all the stupid fights and arguments. You can get your sleep at night. You save a lot of money on mobile bills and gifts. You can find time in a day to do what you want to do. And you can watch porn without feeling guilty

Just an example. If I would have been committed I would have been talking o my girlfriend right now instead of blogging. This proves I am right and also jobless *wink*

P.S.: Chelsea won the double this year. Suck on it Man U and liverpool fans. I am not abusing arsenal fans coz I have stopped considering arsenal a threat.

Life Sucks!

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity." - Voltaire

Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves, but ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are.

If you're a happy person, you don't feel trapped. If you're surrounded by people who you love and who love you, if you can do what you want to do in life, if you are at peace with who you are, why would you ever feel trapped? You wouldn't want to change yourself, you wouldn't need to try.

If you're a happy person, hey, you got lucky! Go back to the previous blog, you'll find nothing of interest here.


I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not either. Maybe you're too fat, or too thin, too old, or too young. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. So you struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, life sucks.

But of course you're not going to give up so easily; you're going to keep struggling to solve your problems, to change yourself, to find happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is. But still, life sucks.
The forces which created you, random or otherwise, have spoken. And they've determined that, for you, life sucks.


Let's assume, for a moment, that there is a God. We may not know the nature of God, or which religion comes closest to the truth, but we can be sure of one thing:


God does not love you.


Look at all the cruelty and misery in the world, which God does nothing to stop. Right now, as you are reading this, there are children in various places around the world being raped and tortured. Most of us would risk our lives; give up our lives, to save them if we could. God stands by and does nothing. God has abandoned these children, and clearly does not love them.
God does not love you, either. There are some religions which claim that "God's love is a different kind of love", which is supposed to explain and justify what appears to be God's divine indifference.

This is total bullshit. If I claim that I love my neighbor, and then set his house on fire and shoot him in the head, anyone can see that my "love" is not love at all.

Another fallacy along these lines is the statement that, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle in life". This is a ridiculous statement. Go to a mental institution, go to the ward for those who are seriously disturbed, and you'll see people who just sit and rock back and forth all day, staring off into space, or screaming at nonexistent terrors.

God has given them more than they could handle, and now they're totally broken. You have no loving God watching over you, making sure you get what you need. You don't get what you need in life, you don't get what you want, and you don't get what you deserve. You get what you get.


If you ask people why they do the things they do in life, they will give you sensible sounding reasons which seem to explain their decisions. We like to believe that we exercise sound judgment, especially in the important decisions of our lives.

I think that this is rarely true. I think that standard operating procedure for human decision making is to do what feels right to you at the time, and then to give logical sounding justifications for what you were already going to do anyway, whether you had justifications or not.
So, if you are pregnant, and want to get an abortion, you will be able to give any number of reasonable sounding explanations why this is the right decision. You're not ready to be a parent, or you need to finish your education or get to a better point in your career, or you don't have enough money, etc. If instead you want to keep the baby, you will explain how even though you will have some extra difficulties due to the lack of money or whatever, you will certainly be up to the challenge to make your life work with the baby, how being a parent will be good for you, what a great parent you'll make, how it will bring you and the father closer together, and so on.
In either case, none of these will be the real reason for your decision. The real reason for your decision will always be, "I did it because I wanted to do it".

Another example, marijuana is illegal in most of the world, while alcohol is legal, despite the fact that alcohol is a far more dangerous drug than marijuana in every way. People consider marijuana to be a dangerous drug, while they think of alcohol as being a fun beverage. They consider those who sell marijuana to be drug dealers, the scourge of society who should be hunted down and imprisoned, while those who sell alcohol are of course not placed in the same category. Logically speaking, it should be the other way around. Alcohol tends to make many people aggressive, leading to a variety of violent crimes, while marijuana does not. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and leads to a serious loss of coordination and motor skills. At larger doses, alcohol renders one completely unconscious. Drunk drivers cause enormous numbers of automobile accidents and deaths. Marijuana is not a central nervous system depressant, and while one probably shouldn't drive while intoxicated on anything, it simply does not cause anywhere near the loss of motor control that alcohol does, and is only a fraction as dangerous as alcohol in terms of driving. But people are looking at this based on their feelings. Marijuana feels like a drug to them. It's illegal, isn't it? Alcohol feels like a fun beverage. It's legal, and socially acceptable, so it feels ok, so it must be ok.

All of this is illogical and stupid, and typically human. And it’s frustrating to be amongst such people.

I don't know how common this is, but for me, the main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.

I have a few people out there who I care about, or who care about me, but no real intimacy with anyone. Worse yet, this is a long term pattern with me, it's been going on for enough years yet that it's quite possible I will be alone for the rest of my life.

This totally sucks.

I would like to have friends I could be truly close to, someone that I could be in love with, but I'm psychologically fucked up enough that I don't know how to make this happen. I like to think that if I had love and intimacy in my life, life wouldn't suck nearly as much.

And hell, I think I've reached the point where I'm jealous of cult members. Those poor deluded fuckers who shave their heads and dance around in public begging for donations, or the heaven's gate suicide cult, at least they have a sense of purpose, of belonging. They must have a sense of devotion for their beloved cult leaders.

There is no meaning left to life when you're disconnected from everyone. You feel isolated and in that isolation you fuck your life even more.

Maybe life sucks because we're all really just big brained primates who were meant to be living in small tribal groups hunting and gathering food, and our pain is the natural result of our living in an unnatural environment.

Or maybe life sucks because we haven't turned our lives over to Jesus or Allah or Yahweh or whoever the One True God happens to be.

Or maybe life sucks because we all have chemical imbalances in our brains.

Or maybe life sucks because we don't know the ultimate cause of, or the solution to, life's problems. I don't know how to end this. If you think you have any helpful advice or words of wisdom email me and let me know.



P.S. 1) This is NOT totally my original work. I took help from internet forums on various things. I have just compiled them in my own way.
2) I wrote it when I was having my kota blues. So it may seem real depressing.
3) Do give me your insights on this one.

Tears: Part 2

NOTE: This is a sequel to my previous post "Tears". I would suggest readers to read "Tears" before reading this to have a better understanding of this post.

And he took another sip from his glass.

"...and that's another thing wrong with you, do you have any idea how much damage that causes to your body? No wonder you lo..."

He reluctantly put the glass down. He was now habitual of his parents pointing out his mistakes. He knew he deserved it and he knew he was going to face it but what he didn't know was it would continue for this long. He had promised himself that he won’t cry again and he was resolved to keep his promise. He gulped his tears along with the last sip before reluctantly putting the glass down. They always said time makes you hard and helps you in forgetting stuff. But none of the above stood true for him. He still remembered everything.

He remembered all the fun he had while he should have been working. The laughing, making jokes, hanging out with friends, doing his thing, All that came right in front of him. He wished these memories would just vanish. They made him feel guilty. They reminded him of time spent and time wasted. He had tried hard to forget his past and start a new beginning. But he just couldn't. However hard he may try to forget them, deep inside he knew he didn't want them to go. Those memories were the thing that kept him sane, kept him company when he was alone in his room, brought smile to his face, made his heart beat a little faster. Those memories reminded him how good life was to him yet he wanted to forget those. He was really confused about he should feel. A part of him regretted ever doing it. He cursed himself day and night for been ignorant. For not giving back life what he should have. These were the real reasons coz of which he had to face what he was facing. But still he missed having all that. The last time he truly laughed or was carefree was probably month’s backs. He carved to get out of this situation.


"... ver listen to us, what has happened to you. You don't talk anymore. You don't participate in gatherings you just stay in your room whole day sleeping or god knows doing what."


He came back to present. He was having another "conversation" with his family. His mother complained on regular basis he didn't talk anymore. He wondered what was there to talk about now? His parents said and one should know his mistakes also the faults one has made in his life so he may not repeat it. A very fine thought indeed; but what if the person already new about his mistakes and all he needed to prove himself was a chance, was an opportunity. Wouldn't discussing mistake of such person over and over again make him feel sad rather than helping him? Wouldn’t it make him feel guilty and even may kill his enthusiasm of redeeming his past mistakes, wouldn't it do an irreparable damage to his self confidence? He in the beginning felt guilty. The time passed by yet the family conversations never showed any signs of differing his feeling changed. He was not sure if he could be angry. After all he had done, did he even have the right? He then started to avoid them but even that didn't work. He then thought of telling his parents what he truly felt.

They would surly understand him. They were co-operative. They had said they have forgiven him. Yes, he would tell them what he felt and then he would not have to worry. These lines always comforted, gave him hope but he feared what if it didn't work? What if they didn't understand? What if they thought he was being ignorant as he was in the past? What if it made them think he is not even ready to accept his mistakes and can’t even tolerate his parents improving on them? He couldn't hurt the sentiments of his parents anymore and also he couldn't imagine making this situation even worse. There was no end to this debate so he kept to himself.

"...son are you? You don't even reply to us? You don't comment about anything we have to say? Earlier you had something to say on everything weather it was your business or not. Now yo..."


His parents thought anyway that he was being rude by not saying anything but in reality he couldn't say anything. He cant say what he was really thinking and just nodding on to their suggestions were not helping much either. His mother was very much tensed about him. She thought probably he living away from home had made him indifferent towards his family. He wanted to correct them. He wanted to tell them he loved and cared about them but it wasn't just in his nature to express his emotions and he already had accepted this and had made himself capable of listening to anything they have to say and yet remain passive. His parents were hurt occasionally by his behavior but he thought he was saving them from a greater pain by remaining so. He felt sorry for enduring this on his family and himself but he couldn't see anyway out. He felt his knees go weak again. He really wished he could have another sip from his glass.

His parents said they had forgiven him yet their actions never showed it... They said they understood his pain and they were always there for him. Yet he couldn't feel their warmth even when he was with them. He was tired showing them that he had changed, that he wanted to work hard. Because of one mistake of his life were they going to pull him down forever? Did they forget his glorious past? He would remind them that. Weather they like it not. He wasn't sure what to do, he was really confused. His hands subconsciously reached for the glass. His mother pointed that out to him. And that did it, he wouldn't take it anymore. He had had enough. He took a deep breath only to let it help him yell loudly and effectively. He made his angry face and was about to release the frustration that had been stored in him for months. The depression, the letdown; he was to end it all. And then he saw it. In that fraction of second when he was at heights of his emotions, which he had buried for some time he saw it all. He saw the genuineness of concern on his parents face. He realized that these two would be the last person on earth to feel, think or do something bad about him. How could he be so blind? How come he didn't see it before? They didn't nag him. They were proud of him and they just wanted their old son back; One that fought, one that loved, one that was active, one that was always smiling. They were just waiting for him to come back. And they really did. He closed his half opened mouth. The crease on his forehead started disappearing as they started forming on his parent’s forehead. He started smiling.



"What happened? You think this is funny? yo...”


He continued smiling and said "Dad I thought match was on? And mom I am really hungry can we talk about this sometime later"

His parents were caught off their guard but his father managed a nod. His mother got up to make his favourite. Snack. They didn't realize but out of Conner of his eyes he noticed his dad smiling and his mother wiping away a single tear from her face...

P.S. 1) This is just a piece of my imagination with no relevance, whatsoever with any living being I know.

2) I have to thank pri for helping me complete.

3) Any suggestions, comment or complement would be appreciated.

Tears.

And he wiped the tears from his eyes... He hadn’t cried as much as he had in past few weeks. His enjoyment became his enemy. He sat down in his room alone. He couldn’t face himself now. What had he done to himself? This was not him. He was not weak, he never cried. He didn’t cry when he fractured his hand, he didn’t cry when he was caught breaking his hostel rules, he didn’t cry when he was punished. Pain wasn’t new to him. Yet, he cried now. That’s what is may be so special about this place, he guessed. It breaks people from inside. He missed those days when everything was attainable, nothing was impossible for him. They said he is set to do wonders. He just smiled then. He knew they were right and he wanted to prove them all right but it all seems ages back...

Ages back!! He laughed at his own jest. That was barely two years ago. He was 17 yrs old and hadn’t even lived a quarter of his life and he was thinking of time ages back... but two years to him seemed like two decades. He carved for his past, he feared for his future. The first major step he was supposed to take in his life. He corrected himself,

No, the second major step.
First was coming here and effectively ruing his life.

He talked to his hostel mates all the time, took opinion from his seniors. They all said the same thing; with the kind of life he had been living it would be difficult for him to succeed. And he knew it was true. Most kids shut themselves for this time period to get through while he had opened all the gates to the outer world. He had enjoyed himself that was for sure but it was now time to repay. He feared facing people after he was to fail. How could he? He was the star. He was suppose to be bright and shine not dull away, not yet.

Funny, they had always said life gives you a second chance. But he didn’t see any. This would remain as a blot on his life forever. How must was it going to effect him though, would be a question to look out for. When people asked him to focus he would shut their critism by saying he is learning something new, it was sad though whatever he learnt then wouldn’t really help him in this path.
The path which was chosen for him, not by him. He was good at what he did; he did what most of the time people asked him to do. Yet, he didn’t want this. He didn’t realize this in the beginning and when he did he was too late. He couldn’t let his folks down after getting in middle of it.

He thought why to bear all this pain and burden to perform why not end it. What does it takes eventually. A jump from building, a cut from a knife. He saw a knife at his table; he picked it up and sat down on his bed. He was not clear if he should proceed. He loved his life. Well he loved his life minus two recent years. But he feared facing the dead end. For the first time in his life he was unsuccessful. He was below average. His companions prevailed. They did well while he struggled. Couldn’t he be with them? He wanted to be there with them. Not here and be a loser. He decided he would end it but then he thought of his family, friends and things he would miss out in his life... there was so much he wanted to do. Though he doubted if he would ever be able to do them now, but still there was a hope. He threw the knife away. He didn’t have the courage anyway. He cried a bit more. God he hated himself. Few know what its like to live such depressed life. He never thought he would lead one but here he was.
He hated his people for they didn’t stop him when they should have. Its not even there fault he guessed. After all he never answered to anybody and he always was such, careless and carefree. Enjoyed his life all the time and whenever the task needed his attention he would in the end totally get into it and would crack it. Probably they were expecting this out of him again. But in this he was helpless. Even if he wanted to get started he didn’t know where to start from. He was lost and needed help and he had none.

He thought time by pink floyd would totally suit his condition and tried to smile but this wasn’t funny. It was not his character to be so depressed but then he couldn’t avoid it, given the circumstances.

His pone ringed. It was his mother. His parents were co-operative with him. When he had told them about his condition they were sad but forgiving. He resolved if he gets another chance he will prove himself for them. He swore this to him. No matter what, he would do then proud. He wanted this to happen for them. coz of him they would be let down just this once. Never in the past this had happened and he promised never again in the future this would happen. He would stand up again and perform. No, he won’t just sit and cry. Weak people do that. He wasn’t weak. He promised to himself he would never cry again. He laughed how he could be so sissy? He was the tough guy, the funny guy and the charming guy, not the crying guy. He finally smiled and wiped tears from his eyes and picked up the phone

"Why did you pick the call so late?"
"I couldn’t find my phone"
"Why you voice is sounding so low." She had concern in her voice.
"I just got up, I was sleeping." He lied he didn’t want her to know the truth else she would needlessly worry.
"What! Sleeping? You have been doing that for two years now. At least now do something worthwhile? Don’t you have any sense of responsibility? How could you....”

And no matter how hard he tried to control, he stared crying again...

P.S. 1) This is just a piece of my imagination with no relevance, whatsoever with any living being I know.

2) If you as a reader has trouble understanding the actual meaning and reason for this post then just avoid this one coz you may never understand this as this is written for only few of my friends.

3) for the first time I have tried my hand at story narration so any advise and criticism (other than spelling mistakes) would be appreciated.

4) I am not happy with the title and would really be glad if any reader could suggest me a better title. Though by the suggestion of a friend (Pri) I am changing the title form "The Stuggle" to" Tears", but am still open to suggestions.

5) A part 2 has been written to continue the story please do read it too.

At 17.

Hundreds of kids on street... some talking to each other some staring at those talking to each other some just walking in their own world some pretending to do so while caring about everything happening around them some just showing off but all having same sparkle, hope and aim in their eyes... Yeps that’s right it’s just a daily scene at Kota road outside a coaching institutes... yet, there are few who have no whatsoever concern with this... they have no aim and no care (or at least this is what they pretend) for the consequences of their utter laziness mixed with total joblessness... this kind would never be found on streets, they could be found sitting at cafes, movie halls, play grounds or simply at their respective hostels, in their rooms not studying but just passing away time or sleeping... These guys just want to spend their day enjoying. Their competitive exam course books gather dust over time... They show they are happy and content with their lives, they have a big circle of friends and have their own unique way of wasting their time...

Never did I thought being in 12th is so effectively gonna ruin my life and also make me loose my self confidence...It was really heartening to know that few else exited who were as miserable as me, if not a shade worse. And I being a totally self-centered person took relief in their misery (I am gonna rot in hell)...so I would stop beating round the bush for now and actually start writing what I mean to... At the tender age of 17 when we are supposed to have fun we are made to take decision which would affect and practically define our whole future life...


I gotta admit best brains of whole nation come to this place to prepare for various competitive exams some manage to stay focus but some loose their way... some real intelligent guys are lost in world of cyber cafes and movie halls... they would have done a lot better if they did what they wanted too.... There are few who decide to live this horrific (yet, somehow the most memorable) life and there are some for whom the decision is already made by their families...Ok! They are adults and one should respect their decision but c'mon, one should also have their own say in their life... at 17 one has big expectation to fulfill... one has to live dream of his parents and elders (now, it’s not a bad thing to do but the person may have his own dreams)... The worst part is the decision we take now practically defines our future path... a person may want to do something which is out of the box... but then he is stopped by his family members they don’t directly say no, which is worse... they would say try your hand at engineering or medical then you may do whatever you want to do...

Don’t they realize giving this false hope is gonna do more damage than good... obviously when you get in this line you are never going out of this (but in very rare cases few lucky ones does get out)... and the kid he wont pay full attention to his work coz somewhere in his heart he has this false hope now that he may be able to change his field of study... so you see he is no good and his whole life is then filled with frustration...


lets take few example of my friends... there is particular one... he was on the verge of committing suicide at this age(well its exaggeration) but what the hell are we supposed to think if writes such line
"Today I chose to live"
"Today I was reborn"
reason for writing such lines... he couldn’t give his boards this year... his school fucked him up and didn’t submit his 12th board form... when contacted they said they did a mistake... A MISTAKE?? the guy will have to repeat the whole reason for no reason at all... why coz his school did a mistake... we couldn’t do anything about it coz my friend wasn’t all clean himself...well every kid here breaks all the C.B.S.E. norms but this guy got a back firing...


People often say me that we have a very enjoyable life... many people out there envy our lives... they all say...."man! you guys are so into fun" but then we all come to cafe coz we have nothing else better to do... there is no other place to go neither any other thing in which we can indulge our self...we our self are so bored at sitting at comp for the whole day but what else can we do....
people say "you guys go out so much to have dinner".... well my dear friends we have so sucky mess food that we have to go out to have proper dinner and the manner in which we have to gather enough money to support this is totally another method...


People say “you guys hang out together so much”. Well its coz we are the only ones who would actually understand each other position and we take comfort in each other company… believe me there is a lot under our smiles…


our family when asks us how is our preparation going on... what are we suppose to say... we cant say the truth... so we lie and when we start doing this there is no coming back...
I mean if one doesn’t perform well one feels low and one’s self esteemed is hurt in the worst way and he starts lying about it... some don’t like lying after all they were brought up real nice by their parents so they just starts ignoring them... stops picking up their calls and also avoids the family gatherings...
Few friends of mine would have trouble getting 60% and there parents expects them to clear jee... how would this kids feel when facing their parents at this moment...


This is just one of the aspects of being a teen-ager… This age is supposed to be two best years of our life when we can enjoy our self coz then we go into manhood and then actually have to face and bear our responsibilities… but then these years are also taken from us… (And don’t get me started on chicks!) I know you people may have started thinking by now who am I to comment on fellow students... many would argue I face the similar conditions, probably that’s why I am writing such a thing.

The truth is neither of the above option is entirely correct but neither are they totally wrong... the real reason for writing is max. of my friends have a case similar to various one mentioned above... we all have fun all together but truth is deep inside we fear the dead end... We just fake it most of the time that we are indifferent regarding this and do our best to avoid getting in such discussions when we do get into one we are reduced to half the kids we are…

Thus at the tender age of 17 when we should be care free we are burdened with worries... we haven’t exactly start living our life and it seems that we have already lived an eternity (not in a good way though)... Yes, I am no expert but this is what I have observed I may be wrong but I am going to stick by this... Now I also know I am not exactly a type of writer who could address an important serious issue such as this... I would be way better off writing funny jokes and making sarcastic comments but I thought I owe it to my friends and I gotta express our distress in a way or other...
Now if you are reading my post for the first time I bet you aren't ever coming back but yes, do give this a thought...


P.S. I better write another post soon... so this one is overlapped...

If I wouldn't have come to kota...

I know I am supposed to be emotionally deprived and am supposed to have no care or feeling for any of my friends.... but now as most of them have left Kota it's like my two years are coming back to me... Whenever we go to together in a group of like 15 people to see off a guy at railway station 30 k.m. away at 3 in the morning, we all start discussing about the time spend with them eating "puri sabji" and drinking chai or coffee... and after one thing leads to another we always jump to the same point and that point would be "who is the next guy leaving kota" and eventually, "why did we come to this cursed place"... I mean after spending two most beautiful years of our lives when we are supposed to be in school being a head boy or a cultural captain, dating beautiful girls in short skirts, we ended up here supposed to be studying for 12 hrs and looking at nerd, fat, ugly bitches...But then we would suddenly go like that if we haven’t came to kota we wouldn’t have met each other... and the very moment the discussion becomes to my utter disappointment sad and sentimental...

I mean kota took a lot from us yet gave us what no other place could have ever given and I am not just talking about math derivations or phy. concepts but some real happy memories... some we would cherish for a long period of time... sometimes when we were real low these are the memories which bought a smile on our face...though again there are some we would really like to forget... I have met some wonderful and talented people but again I have been friends with some I wish I would have never met... Though to many of those departing friends I was and shall be a person with no emotions what’s so ever and a back stabber, whose idea of having fun was to make fun of them... I laughed with them but most of the time on them.... but in reality I did like them all and now when they are gone I do miss spending time with them...

So now back to the point. After every such sad a sentimental gay conversation (though then it doesn’t feel like one) we come to the best part... things we wouldn’t have done if we wouldn’t have come to Kota... it does make us all feel cheerful... Few of the not so censored ones are the ones I am gonna mention... You may not fully understand them but then try to step in our shoes which would be of stepping into a normal teenager spending life in Kota then you may get a laugh out of them...

(Sigh)... if we wouldn’t have come to Kota...

We wouldn’t have made a cyber cafe (U4) our second home by the end of our first year and our first home by the time we reached the end of our second... we would only go to our respective P.G's to sleep and few of us also didn’t even bother to do that... It's a mystery thought what did those guys do on "nature's call...” I mean there was a guy who was at cafe for three day continually including nights... where and when the hell did he shit!!!

We wouldn’t have been so addicted to our company and wouldn't be so jobless that just after getting up and brushing the teeth we would set out to meet each other at various places like U4 or movie halls (Readers here must take a note that bansal where we were suppose to be and study was never a meeting point) and would purposely go to such places which would consume lots of time either in traveling or in the procedure so we don’t end up being like "uhh, so now what's next?".... (We even watched sad movies for like three times at movie halls just to kill time... Man we were jobless!!!)...

We wouldn't have realized how tasty and filling can eating good food be... really most of our mom's had this complain that we don’t each much and had tension we would eat even less after coming here coz this place is supposed to have totally tasteless food... worse then my previous hostel... but then they forgot this place also has few good restaurants... for lunch we would have few sandwiches and burgers then for dinner we would all go to a nice place and eat the whole menu up...everyday for the whole week... our families obviously unknown to this would eventually wonder how do we maintain our good health when our food mess Tiffin are hardly touched... Seriously I never expected to walk in restaurants and get served by just saying "My Usual."

We wouldn’t have realized and learned the important lesson of how to handle money or in this case how to produce it out of nowhere... we spent all the money we got in 10 days or so yet we somehow managed to live our life in the same fashion...This would eventually(which I think you guys would have guessed) lead to totally be in debt... and we would pay our debt by getting in few more debt... by the end of month we would realize we are so much in it that we might consider selling our clothes or drop on few luxuries like eating food... though we would still like to continue going to restaurants.. And when the time came to pay the bills we would realize no one had actually bought the money....

We wouldn’t have made a gang...By saying that I mean we wouldn’t have made a gang! we were like group of 13 people and if anyone went against anyone of us or if anyone would have any problem we would all solve it by any means possible...(the only thing which missed was a name)...

We wouldn’t have played football at 2 in the morning and got chased down by cops for making loud noise in the middle of nights... (I play good as a mid-fielder)...

We wouldn’t have bunked so much that it stared to matter when we went to class... people would get surprised we actually went to class... even teacher would be like are you a new student??? It seems like we bunked two years from our lives...

By this time usually we all are in our own world and we would all start thinking about the things we personally accomplished after coming to kota... things we couldn’t have done anywhere else...for example...

Like I said in beginning too, we wouldn’t have met each other... Many would say we were reason for ruining each others' lives but we never felt it that way... we immensely enjoyed each others company and miss it when we all have gone our separate ways...

I wouldn’t have started blogging in the first place... I started it to pass time whenever I got bored over here in nights... now though I do it for plain fun...

I wouldn’t have watched so many movies. Many of those people even never heard off... I actually watched all the movies there in every cyber cafe over here and I had trouble selecting one from a collection of 3000 movies... I had to find names of movies on net and then actually go and see them... (I have now covered most of the good actors I know)

I wouldn’t have downloaded 16 gb of all kind entertaining stuff from music to Lewis black comedy shows... me and few of my friends were sole reason for two cafe to shut down coz we filled them with viruses... hehehe.. we wasted a hell lot of time in this but seriously whenever I listen to a song or watch a show its like worth it... every moment of it...

I wouldn’t have so random and weird conversation with my friends... who have no relevance what’s so ever with our lives but anyway increased our general bullshit knowledge… I remember my first talk with kala was at cafe discussing Hitler, Second World War and Russian economy...

I wouldn’t have had to actually worry about my mobile bills... Though I spent most of the day with my friends I still ended up with huge phone bills coz of talking to them...
I wouldn’t have made and eaten omelet made from a frozen egg kept in fridge for like a month (no, I am not exaggerating)...like I said before it all come down to food for me...

I wouldn't have developed such mood swings...one moment I would be all serious and decent next moment I would be laughing and making fun of other guys... one moment I’ll be happy next I would be sad and angry... one moment I’ll be like lets just sit next I would be like lets go and play... (People should applaud my friends for they actually managed to live with this)

I wouldn’t have hated studying so much... I meant I was supposed to be a good student and I personally loved studying but after so much of bunking and rusting of books due of lack of use I too became one of those lazy idiots...

I wouldn’t have helped a friend successfully over a “I love a girl" issue when I never myself was involved in any such case...see I could handle serious situations...
I wouldn’t have fought with auto walas over five bucks and spent 200 buck on the same night over a movie with no regrets...

I wouldn’t have slept for 31 hrs in two days... (Yes you guys may show your surprise)... I slept for like twenty hrs got up for few hrs then again slept for like 11 hrs that to my hostel mates woke me up thinking something is seriously wrong with me...(what! I was sick, I needed rest)
I wouldn’t have become so good at lying that even I had trouble knowing when I wasn’t doing it... I would lie to people looking in their eyes... I would lie when I need not and about the thing that don’t matter... and I would just lie coz its fun...(I bet by this time you may start having doubts about what kind of person i may be but let me remind you these are only the censored deed I felt were safe enough to mention ;) )

I wouldn’t have become so fluent at bribing people... it comes naturally to me now... with confidence and no embarrassment...I even have few good lines now to go with the procedure...
though probably I would have done this where ever I would have been but I need to mention my stamina of eating maggi at night... it really didn’t matter if I have had my dinner or not but I just had to have maggi with coke...it basically defined my night routine...


P.S. this particular post is dedicated to my friends... all of them... kala, aishwarya, mandar, raman, garv, ayush, mihir, puneet, ashish, samrat, aabhas and to all those too whom I may have forgotten to mention...

The Love Making Between Mihir And Kala.

And he felt mihir's hand crawling up on his crouch and he knew that now it was the moment... The moment he has awaited and feared all his life... His breath fastened and he feels mihir's other hand unbuttoning his shirt...

It all happened one lonely evening in U4 (well doesn't everything happen over here?). It was 13th test at bansal and most of the 12th guys from U4 had gone for a movie. There were thus only three people in the lonely hall of U4 Mihir, Kala (abhinav shubham) and me... I was the unfortunate one who had to view the love making of Mihir and Kala coz Mihir asked me put this story online... I am scared for my life... Anyone would be if had to go through what I did... Kala of course was the victim but I am sure he enjoyed every bit of it even if doesn’t say so...So as we were alone playing Counter-strike Mihir feels that he has to be satisfied... The ever innocent chubby face of Kala meets Mihir's eyes and he knows that he has found the victim...

While Kala smiles watching friends on my DVD Mihir gets up and stands next to Kala while his hands rest on Kala's shoulders... Kala smiles to Mihir, had he known what lay ahead...Mihir Kisses Kala on his cheeks and Kala tries to rebel but Kala was never a man enough to throw somebody off him...He still has a smile on his face, he probably thinks Mihir is just "acting" gay, well he was in for a very big surprise... Mihir hands slips under kala's shirt... Kala then realizes something is wrong and try to avoid getting into an "uncomfortable" situation by trying to change the topic... but Mihir was determined today... he knew what he wanted and today he would get it any how.... Mihir's hands slips further down... Kala now feels uneasy and stops watching friends and turn and face Mihir... all the colors are drained from his face... Just looking at mihir's face Kala knew what lay ahead... he could see the untold horrors that he was about to face, in the ever smiling face and twinkling eyes of Mihir...

He tries to get out but Mihir's reflexes are way too much faster than kala's (one of the gifts of being a sportsman)... Mihir grabs kala's shirt and I hear an almost inaudible sound of rip... kala's chest is now clearly visible for all to see which would sadly be me... Mihir's smile broadens... his hands reaches out of his pants and he asks me to shut the door for him... I hear pleading cries of Kala... I am but stunned by what exactly is talking place and thus continue standing there listening to neither being... then suddenly I come in my senses... I hear a divine and always awaited line... A treat and free dinner!!! FOOD!!! The thing I live for... Feeling sorry for Kala and feeling kind of guilty I close the door to exit... What happens next I can’t type... Not only coz the censor board might not appreciate it but I just can’t bring myself to think and write about the unearthly events that had taken place.... but let just say by the end of it Mihir was utterly satisfied, Kala nearly dead and i scared for my whole life...

P.S. It's just a work of fiction written to irritate Kala a good friend of mine... but the basic thought is true... Mihir hit on Kala on every possible moment...and this blog id dedicated to them...May their love live forever....

Blogs on demand?

Many people were wondering on the quality of my last two blogs... they said it lacked the quality and the usual sarcasm all my earlier post had... I welcome critics and I did ponder on this issue and yeah it was true even I thought, they could have been written in a better way... I started writing to express my feelings and to sharpen my creativity by writing online and truly specking I wrote when I had nothing better to do then to sit and daydream but lately I have been writing not for me but for people... My friends now use me as a medium to express what we all face... It's the highest honor I could have got... request to perform is a dream come to true for every amateur performer... but then it took away the fun of writing... though I would have written on the topic any way even if my friends hadn’t asked me too but when I write after they know it, its no more fun.. I mean c'mon I wrote to make them smile and surprise them but if they know what I am suppose to write they would be critical reading it rather than enjoying it and I cant put sarcastic fun in it when I know that my folks know what about to come.. the element of surprise is not anymore with it... writing such an accuse would generally coz me loose friendship with many and after that sorry box blog I do have to think twice b4 I write but thanks to U4's anti porn software which blocks by blog due to the abuses in it no one in U4 can view my blog... initially I was sad about it coz I knew my friends wont be able to read it anymore but then I thought yes! They won’t be able to read it anymore!!! They wouldn’t take pain of going somewhere else just to read my blog so that means I can write whatever I want... WOW!!! Freedom at last... though I would surely miss the fun and comments my friends used to drop by and how sometimes they would discuss it... one even put the link to the blog in his photo album... I know it’s not much but yes, I do take pride in it and consider it an accomplishment... if my friend like reading it, then it fulfills my wish... and that the price I’ll have to pay for the freedom...
Another reason for my blog being deprived of sarcasm is than in real life I am not so funny anymore... initially I would go around make fun of people comment on them take verbal fights now I don’t do this anymore... people would stop me before we get into an argument and now even I don’t feel like debating every time... and due to few comments by some friends on how I am rude I don’t feel like making fun of people... I now actually think of their feelings...

I!! I!!! I!!!...

I actually think such... can you imagine... the most rude guy in the corner actually thinks of other people feeling now and the job he was most good at "making fun of people" he is not doing it any more... and that to has affected my writing.. Coz I write what I think... it’s in a flow... I don’t stop while writing... so if a humor comes in my mind while writing a conversation or an incident I’ll write it and since I am not thinking of such thing it’s showing in my writing...
So what's the point of this writing?? the point is... readers please bear with me... I am tiring to get the humorous me back... yes! Wait for few more days and then I’ll be there making fun of you all again... Haaahhahaa!!
So get ready and prepared folks, coz the old raghav is ready to rock...

I AM BACK!!!

Me: A U4tv Bakra!!

Well now I finally know how exactly it feels to be a bakra.. We all laugh looking at them but then being in their shoes is pretty embarrassing...
So this fine day I am awaken by this call from a total stranger and the guy goes like
"You are raghav right? From dps jaipur...Fucker you are being to smart now a days... So you will distribute classified information regarding sanju and sid. (Names changed)... Fucker I'll come to your hostel and kick your ass."...
I was like yeah right... As if he would be able to do anything... If it really was them then I had nothing to worry about... Why would I have to...? When I have this well organized and well set group of friends who I know would stand up for me... And we already had kicked their butt in a previous encounter....so I say
"Listen I don’t know who are you but then if you have a problem come to U4... I'll meet you there and sort things out..."
And I cut the phone... Man I was sleeping and had just gotten up that to on this note it took me several seconds to realize what exactly has transpired... so I put my jeans on and go to U4... on the way I call ayush(my cousin), as usual he proves he share my blood coz he doesnt pic the call... Next I call Mihr... He informs me that he is out and will be at U4 in some time along with Hemant bhaiya... I am reassured... I dint wanted a serious thing and would have appreciated if only we could have solved but if Hemant bhaiya is involved I was sure the problem would not even be extended to the second meeting...
By this time I reach U4 and tell the already present crowd what has taken place... They are all surprisingly supportive, participative and cheerful... but then it's Kota and I have learned you really can’t expect things from them...
So hemant bhaiya comes and I call the person and go like
"Beti, (yes I know it sounds weird on such occasion but believe me it can do wonders and I really like this particular abuse... All the guys kept laughing at it...) you didn't coz over here... I am waiting for you..."
And I pass the phone to other folks... They take turns abusing the fella in very very creative way....so then the guy on the phone tells me to come to a place near by... Hemant bhaiya along with mihir go to confront the idiotic person who could dare... During this time I enjoy myself along with other eating sandwiches... When hemant Bhaiya eventually comes he has a crease n his fore head and a much tensed face... He says
"Oi raghav, from whom have you taken this fight... There were bantu and pintu (names changed).... they are proper gangster and even Iwont be able to do anything regarding this... I go like Ohhkk... so there is someone who can’t be handled my bhaiya... so I try to think of my options when Hemant bhaiya starts telling me the details of those guys...Murderers, gangster, smugglers and drunk... So I go like Fuck!! I am screwed...But my first worry is man what if they come to my hostel... No I am not exactly tensed about facing them... (Yeah I am worried bout that to...) but if they come to my hostel my uncle would come to know and I really really didnt want him to know anything regarding this...
So I ask hemant Bhaiya what options I had... He call a person who once have handled these guys in the past and they promises of a meeting the other day... and hemant bhaiya took me to some other people who have had to face them.. All were of same opinion...
"Leave the City"
I was like ohhk!! This is not going to help me out... Then they start telling me various other stories regarding them.... Even saying that one was them was at present in jail... A weird thought comes to mind but I dismiss it...Then I thought
"ok! I am pretty much fucked... and your encouraging statements wouldn’t really help me out..."
So we go to have dinner "Yes, even at such points I am hungry and carve for food"... During this time hemant bhaiya asks me various questions on diff scenarios of my possible doings and ask if I could do such stuff... I was like I would my best to avoid getting more into it but then I really couldn’t fulfill there demands...Then after all the encouraging statements from my friends regarding them... and the thought of confronting my uncle... scares me... So hemant bhaiya decides to put me out of his misery and decides to pull his trump card... He asks me to call that person again... I feel a bit odd if he could have done this before why he waited for so much time... but then I call anyway... A phone rings near by... And In a flash every thing seems clear....
Now my doubts about the other person could have known about my role as info. supplier, and how could mihir and hemant bhaiya could have come that fast to U4 when mihir said he would take 15 minutes and how were they together... then my doubt over the previous conversation comes.. How the people were saying one of them were in jail while hemant bhaiya said he saw those guys waiting for me...
Hemant bhaiya along with all other kids and played a prank on me (a good one at that)... I didn’t question anybody coz I thought hemant bhaiya wouldn't do such thing and trusted him all the way....the kids start laughing around me... I feel sheepish... But then what ever be the case they had pulled a nice prank....These souls were laughing all the way during my misery... garv comes up to me and says he didn’t mean any offence and said if I was willing to help him out with a task...
Man, He has ball!!! I just glare at him and he continues to eat his pizza... He surely would have to work a lot in order to convince me now...
But whatever be the case I after a long time felt what it was like to be on the receiving end... I mean usually I am the one who plays such pranks but man... It can create some troubles...

P.S. If you are wondering why I was picked for this prank the reason was I didn’t come to U4 for a period of two days...(which is two much for other guys and proved too much to me...)

Me Aabhas and Champa!!

Aabhas got his girl(well at least what it looked like), Garv his treat... and what did I Get "Harri puttar"....

It all started when we went to local circus over here after a gruesome test of bansal classes PVT lmt. kota.... looking at those beauties present and performing next to impossible task we were saddened to our heart that we still don't have a girlfriend.... well we are 17 and yet so single....

so we decided we will do all in our power and help each other to find our respective loves... I came up with a girl for Aabhas(hero of this story) which i still haven't him introduced to...we were all so much in misery of our sad lives that day when we finally woke up next day, incident of previous day seemed to be just a joke... But i guess that was not to be the case...

I was woken up by Kala and went for a movie I didn't know about... as usual i just got up and went along without asking any question(how i wish i had)... in the way we met Garv and he asked me if i was interested in a girl... I thought he must be joking coz i just moved on saying a movie is way important than a champa (girl)...

The movie Hari Puttar was exceptionally bad... a real bad rip off of home alone3 and worse they were popularising harry potter instead of home alone... Had I known what was happening with other folks while i was tormenting myself with the empty hall and the movie(there were only 6 people out there except we 8 idiots who had gone on their will)...

Garv after a rejection from my side went to Aabhas and offered him the same thing and he not been an idiot like me took full advantage and said yes... Thus Aabhas got a phone number of a girl and a prospect of getting a girlfriend... The best part was Garv was a friend to that girl and he could always pursue her to meet Aabhas which eventually did help him out...

So when i meet these guys again horrified from watching Hari Puttar I am informed of the recent happenings... I feel so jealous of Aabhas... Man! I could have got the girl had i not acted as an idiot... but i on the same hand feels good for Aabhas.. He was about to score... but what i really wished was Aabhas getting the girl and the girl having even more beautiful friend on whom i could lay my hands on....

So Aabhas called this girl up that night and said if he was in love with her for three months and gave her insight information regarding her with the help of Garv... You see folk this guy hasn't even seen the girl before... if she had been standing in front of him he wouldn't have recognised her and he said he was following her for three months now...

The girl reluctant in the beginning finally gave in to meet Aabhas after the garv persuaded her to move on from her past relationship and confirmed if she doesn't feel secure to go alone to meet him garv could company her... you see acc. to the girl Garv had no connection with Aabhas... Man!!! these guys even talked on phone being strangers....

When I updated on the scenario the next day... I decided to accompany Aabhas to the restaurant where the meeting was supposed to be held but I wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with me being present with Aabhas so I decide to go with him being a stranger... and garv liked the idea and said he could pretend we are friends(which we are) who have met coincidental(which was not the case)... so he could leave Aabhas and the girl alone for the talks... So we set aforth in our planing and went to that place... Our biggest fear was not how to confront the girl but to control over our laughter the conversation... I mean you guys can imagine a guy is meeting a girl for the first time for a relationship... she is accompanied by her friend who is also our friend but has to pretend otherwise... I would be eating there alone not interested in whats happening and garv would come up to me and talk as if its a daily effect.... the image of such doing made me laugh i didn't know how did we control our nerve at the moment... and when did the girl eventually came, she hardly sat for 2 minutes and went away... well it was not what we had expected... Aabhas talked to that girl after that and she replied nicely until two days back when she messaged she cant be friends with him and even he should focus on his studies... then my dear friend Aabhas pulled out a Raghav... He explained his feelings in two plain words...."#%*@ off!"!

so Dear readers now you can imagine what exactly has been happening and has happened... at last it comes to this... Garv didn't his promised treat... Aabhas didn't get the girl but I still bear the scar of watching Harri Puttar"

The "S" Period.

It's not everyday I am asked by other people to help them out when it comes to girls. I mean I hardly have known a girl in my entire life... And probably after reading this it would be clear to you why. One fine day a friend of mine Garv comes up to me and says that he is in love with a girl. I went like shit! another decent guy gone...Coz when a guy falls in love all he wants to talk about is his girl... Her likes and dislikes... then clothes she was wearing... then what was she saying... and how much he likes her... and it may be interesting for the lover boy but it really bugs the people around him...But the curiosity factor took over me and i asked about the girl...How i wish i hadn't...

He tells me the name... My first instinct was "oh no!! Not her" In future I better keep a check on my reflexes. He exclaims "you know her!" well it wasn’t like I wanted to but if someone is in your class you kinda get to know the person. So I say "yeah we are in school together."

And thus started the "S" period. Well i name this span of time the "S" period cause the name of the girl starts from S and whenever we were with Garv all he talked about was his love and he talked so much that we talked about her even when he was not with us.

So back to the scene. Garv ask me "so are you friends with her."
Me (in my sarcastic tone):"Yeah Right! Me a friend with her!!"
G: why what is the case like?
Me: Nothing special it’s just I do not really have a good relation with her.
G: Raghav!!

Why people just can't take a hint? I didn’t want him to know the details, now he likes her
I would want it even less. I love my ass and would like it to be there at its right place.

Me: Nothing serious I just insulted few times in school.
G: You insulted her… Raghav Why do you always have to make fun of people especially girls no wonder you are single...and I can imagine your insults... you must have made fun of her in public and would have picked on her on every small issues like her taste in music...so how bad was it...tell me the truth!!

Hey it’s not like that always… I can be good to girls... and I don’t pick on people on small issues... It’s just music is NOT a small issue.... why do people have to take me for granted when it comes to insult... I would have said these things to him on his face but it turns out what he said was true... in fact I did worse to her that what he said so I sheepishly say

"Well its just I know her cause I helped her with her anchoring for the farewell in Modi... and I quite didn’t like her behavior so you know i just made a little fun of her.
G: How big is this "little"?

Me and my mouth!!! I knew now that I would have to go to school every now and then, passing his messages or for seeking some information for his love...

Me: Seriously I just said hey to f**k off and made her realize her that no one remembers her from her previous school and one in this world cares about her...
G: When will you learn to keep your mouth shut! And can you introduce me to her?

Yeah right! As if I knew he would fall for that dumb b***h... And how can he think he'll stand a chance if "I" introduce him to her after what I did...

Me: I really don't think that would be a nice idea... well I have a friend who might be able to...
When? When? When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?
G: yeah that would be great...

Somebody gotta teach guy that there is a word "NO" which is to be used for such offers...
Me: Yeah I could do that... lets talk about this on a dinner...

Well then we went to a hotel to discuss various strategies on how to approach her... and I told him everything I knew about her... And got death bored hearing his plans and ideas on how to “woo” her and sorry I forget to mention also to get rid of her present boyfriend... Yes my friend was in love with a girl who was already in a relationship... The only good that came out of it was I got a free dinner...
So my friends during this course of time this guy was the reason I had to awake all the time (which I hated) and had to go to school at 7 in the morning!!! I missed my exams or gave them an hour late to avoid waking up at that unearthly hour but coz of him I had to... And as I start talking to her I am reminded the very reasons why I hate her and it took me all I had in me to stop myself from making fun of her... See I can control my emotions for a friend... so I just told her that she was a dumb person with no taste in anything other that, I dint say anything... For friends I can do anything... :)

Finally after a week and a half of discussing various methods the lover settles down on the strategy of meeting her alone and wrote a poem for her,

"Her smile is so cute,
Presence divine and magical.
Hero gazes the heavenly incarnation,
Filled with infallible admiration.

Her face so angelic,
Features so beautiful.
Over the shoulder the hero passes a gaze,
But in front of her soulful beauty all his charm was abased.

Her complexion so fair,
Black pull back hair,
Created by the master craftsman,
With a lively flair.

The boy decides to approach,
With a confident spirit.
Gave it a burl,
An asked his princess "Will you be mine girl?""

(I didn’t write this poem Garv did... I just typed it so if you want to comment on it approach him not me)...

So when our hero finally gathers courage to confront her outside the coaching institute with this "lovely" poem in his hand (which he still has) and says some beautifully Shah Rukh Khan inspired lines to her in his way we are not at all surprised by her response which if I wrote would kill me...

(I mean if I wrote down that the girl said that my guy was gay so that would totally made Garv kill me... so i am not dumb enough to mention it to anyone...)

So you guys can imagine our fate after this... well it wasn’t well before this but after this the before part now seemed so nice and peaceful... Now we were bombarded with his question on his looks and her mental workings... I mean how we were supposed to know how the mind of a W**re works and we were definitely in a position of answering Garv on his looks coz we all are straight (expect well, kala)...
Thus another week passes by and now nearly everyone at our home(U4) knows about our lover boy. Then came in a surprise that scared us for our lives...

Mihir and Ayush did something unthinkable...
They......

To be continued in the next blog. Stay tuned.

P.S. Hehehe I love creating such uncompleted joints in my stories…. By the way do stay tuned for part 2…

Pain of Separation!

NOTE: Hemant bahiya is very dear to me. this blog has been written over a wierd fantasy i had over a conversation i had while dinning. I don't mean a word of this. I would appreciate if this is taken as a humour which it is...

They say when you separate from your love you miss it the most.

Now I knew the very depth and pain these true words expressed. Oh! Cruel God why did we have to separate? Those who think I am empty shell and does not have emotion, listen to this… every little moment I was away from my true love my heart ached, bled in fact, for the memories of time we had spend together never left my mind and the horror of what was happening to my love now when I was not there to take care of it and was not in a proper hands... yes, I had to cry myself to sleep... (Sigh)

I bet you guys must be thinking when did I fall in love and when did we separate... well friends even I didn’t know I was in love but when the cruel man took it away for the gruesome period of 24 hrs, I realized the life changing truth about me that I was indeed a victim of cupid... I was in love with my pod...

Now to take you back where all of this started it was suppose to be just another day... I had just woken up from my sleep at 5 in the noon and was feeling very hungry... so I went to the new sandwich guy which had just opened in front of U4... So eating my single cheese, extra onion sandwich and listening to new ozzy osbourne songs I had downloaded previous night I go to U4...
Had I known what lay ahead... (sigh)

As I enter I find cafe owner Hemant bhaiya sitting on a chair repairing headphones notice me humming "I am just a dreamer"... And ask for what I am listening to..?
Me: Nothing special just an English song.
H: Yaar give it to me for a minute.
He always ask for it for few minutes... you know usually listens to one or two jagjit singh"s gazals I have... so innocently not knowing what was about to happen I hand my pod over to him..
H (listening on my pod): Can you put some songs of my choice on it?

Well that caught me off my guard.. Why would he want his likings on my pod? Now I get the idea what was about to happen... Dreading the worst I answer him.

Me: yes, I can but I don’t have my U.S.B. port with me right now and I really don’t have enough space left...
H: Get U.S.B. port from your home and I really don’t have that many songs I want to transfer...

I never knew living so close to U4 would cost me so dearly one day... so I go to my place get my port.. Every step is a burden for me now... I can nearly feel my pod crying out for me as my heart was crying out for it... was he handling my small, tender yet firm baby with the delicacy I did.. No he can never do that… He can’t care for my pod the way I do for it...
And I reach U4 (you see my home is very near to this place so I couldn’t think a lot traveling between them.)
When I reach there...

H: So you came, Ok then come on. Ashok, get the two cds of songs I gave to you early this morning...
Two CD!!!! I was like fuck that approx 1 G.B. i had like 157 M.B. left... So I say
Me: Bhaiya I don’t have so much space...
H: Delete few songs that you don’t listen too much...

Thunder hit me...I skipped a beat... I felt as if the ground was shaking and I was sinking in it... Delete songs from my pod... MY POD!! It took me ages to illegally download songs of so many artist many haven’t even heard the name off... delete few songs which I don’t listen to... well I don’t put in the songs I don’t listen to...Every song that is there is dear to me... and I can’t put all the songs I care for myself for the problem of pace... Seriously I wish I could eat hard drives in order to get more space on my pod... and here this guy says delete songs from it... huh...

Me: Ok… But please can you select the song you really want… So I don’t have to delete much...
H: Ok don’t worry.
He starts his process of selecting songs... every click of his makes my fist clinch but I cant do much...So he selects approx 300 M.B. songs...

Now came in the most difficult part... I look down at itunes... Raghav's Ipod stares back at me beaming... exited that the master is probably gonna put in some new wonderful songs in it... (sigh)... I nearly cried as I delete Lewis black's "Black in Broadway" from my TV shows...
Still after deleting the whole show I am short of 70 M.B. I then go to songs and with my first instinct delete linkin park... I didn’t like them ... but am still short of 30 M.B... I scroll every song from my pod three or four times... cant find any song I want to delete... of course my love has been so perfect... How can I find mistakes in it... but then I remember I have an aerosmith songs backup on kushagr's pod...so I delete them...

i could listen to my pod cries of why!! Why are you doing this to me... I have no reply... I dreaded souls of aerosmith would turn in their grave and would haunt me forever now I have disrespected so much....
After putting Hemant bhaiya's song in it... I try too look at my pod but my eyes cant meet it's screen… my eye's were heavy with guilt and my pod screen brightness was dull as if it was crying itself.. Now that it's love it has put his trust in has betrayed it...

H: Thanks... I'll give it back tomorrow...
I go to dinner with a slash in my heart... now I knew what my friends felt after getting dumped by their girlfriends.... their love wasn’t even pure yet it hurt them... imagine my pain coz I truly was in love...

Kushagr understood my pain of separation and gave me his pod for the night (now you guys on this juncture might think we always trade pods so why such a big deal now but fellas we always trade it with people who we know will take proper care for it and actually has a taste in music and at least know that nirvana is a rock band...

Looking at Kushagr's pod's screen only reminds me of my pod... how we would spends hours together looking at nothing but each other.. I watching a movie on it and it wonderful stare back at me...how it would play a pink floyd song when i would be low or a system of a down song when i would like to rock 'n roll... how my love knew me so well... I would take pride in it when some one would say "Hey man! your pod has an amazing collection..." I would just hold my pod in my hands... it felt so complete... we together had so many moments... we would sleep together side by side... my palms covering it small beauty so I don’t sleep over it and it would play melodious slow pink floyd or coldplay songs so I could sleep in peace... how much I cared for him...Could I hold it again and tell it how much I loved it.. Could I just express my care for it... but now it was in those big hands... Was he holding them too strongly... or was he careless about it... would he by mistake sit on it... oh!! My god!! His Hindi movie song like Singh is king were there on my pod with the likes of great rock bands like AC/DC and pink floyd... I had to make a play list for his anu malik songs like i had made for system of a down and coldplay... How hard it would have been for my pod to bear... I couldn’t sleep in peace that night...

Next day evening i again go to U4... my steps were fast... my heart was beating fast... all I could think was about how was my little beauty doing.. Was it still in once piece...They say time heals... well it didn’t work that way for me...
When I reach hemant bhaiya is not there... so I call him ask for my pod... he says he is on the way of the cafe and has the pod with him... (Sigh)... friends... let me say waiting for those 45 min. was the hardest part... my heart must have pumped thrice the blood than it usually does...Every motorcycle looked like Hemant Bhaiya to me...
But when the pod finally came to me my joy knew no bounds I again felt complete...Ah!! how much my hands had missed its touch... how my ears had missed the melodious sound of it's click wheel... I say sorry to my pod and know my love has forgotten me coz now it has the usual brightness on it... But then suddenly a friend comes up and has a look at my pod and says man you listen to anu malik! Well I just look sadly at my pod which was quite insulted but my ever forgiving love is just happy to be with me again... so I connect my pod to computer delete all the songs and put the aerosmith back...

I am again united with my love and I feel so complete about it...

I just hold on to it while it plays Wish you were here...

P.S. This is just written for fun... Hemant bhaiya has done a lot for me and it's really a small was to repay him.. i would gladly give him my pod if he ever ask for it again...