At 17.

Hundreds of kids on street... some talking to each other some staring at those talking to each other some just walking in their own world some pretending to do so while caring about everything happening around them some just showing off but all having same sparkle, hope and aim in their eyes... Yeps that’s right it’s just a daily scene at Kota road outside a coaching institutes... yet, there are few who have no whatsoever concern with this... they have no aim and no care (or at least this is what they pretend) for the consequences of their utter laziness mixed with total joblessness... this kind would never be found on streets, they could be found sitting at cafes, movie halls, play grounds or simply at their respective hostels, in their rooms not studying but just passing away time or sleeping... These guys just want to spend their day enjoying. Their competitive exam course books gather dust over time... They show they are happy and content with their lives, they have a big circle of friends and have their own unique way of wasting their time...

Never did I thought being in 12th is so effectively gonna ruin my life and also make me loose my self confidence...It was really heartening to know that few else exited who were as miserable as me, if not a shade worse. And I being a totally self-centered person took relief in their misery (I am gonna rot in hell)...so I would stop beating round the bush for now and actually start writing what I mean to... At the tender age of 17 when we are supposed to have fun we are made to take decision which would affect and practically define our whole future life...


I gotta admit best brains of whole nation come to this place to prepare for various competitive exams some manage to stay focus but some loose their way... some real intelligent guys are lost in world of cyber cafes and movie halls... they would have done a lot better if they did what they wanted too.... There are few who decide to live this horrific (yet, somehow the most memorable) life and there are some for whom the decision is already made by their families...Ok! They are adults and one should respect their decision but c'mon, one should also have their own say in their life... at 17 one has big expectation to fulfill... one has to live dream of his parents and elders (now, it’s not a bad thing to do but the person may have his own dreams)... The worst part is the decision we take now practically defines our future path... a person may want to do something which is out of the box... but then he is stopped by his family members they don’t directly say no, which is worse... they would say try your hand at engineering or medical then you may do whatever you want to do...

Don’t they realize giving this false hope is gonna do more damage than good... obviously when you get in this line you are never going out of this (but in very rare cases few lucky ones does get out)... and the kid he wont pay full attention to his work coz somewhere in his heart he has this false hope now that he may be able to change his field of study... so you see he is no good and his whole life is then filled with frustration...


lets take few example of my friends... there is particular one... he was on the verge of committing suicide at this age(well its exaggeration) but what the hell are we supposed to think if writes such line
"Today I chose to live"
"Today I was reborn"
reason for writing such lines... he couldn’t give his boards this year... his school fucked him up and didn’t submit his 12th board form... when contacted they said they did a mistake... A MISTAKE?? the guy will have to repeat the whole reason for no reason at all... why coz his school did a mistake... we couldn’t do anything about it coz my friend wasn’t all clean himself...well every kid here breaks all the C.B.S.E. norms but this guy got a back firing...


People often say me that we have a very enjoyable life... many people out there envy our lives... they all say...."man! you guys are so into fun" but then we all come to cafe coz we have nothing else better to do... there is no other place to go neither any other thing in which we can indulge our self...we our self are so bored at sitting at comp for the whole day but what else can we do....
people say "you guys go out so much to have dinner".... well my dear friends we have so sucky mess food that we have to go out to have proper dinner and the manner in which we have to gather enough money to support this is totally another method...


People say “you guys hang out together so much”. Well its coz we are the only ones who would actually understand each other position and we take comfort in each other company… believe me there is a lot under our smiles…


our family when asks us how is our preparation going on... what are we suppose to say... we cant say the truth... so we lie and when we start doing this there is no coming back...
I mean if one doesn’t perform well one feels low and one’s self esteemed is hurt in the worst way and he starts lying about it... some don’t like lying after all they were brought up real nice by their parents so they just starts ignoring them... stops picking up their calls and also avoids the family gatherings...
Few friends of mine would have trouble getting 60% and there parents expects them to clear jee... how would this kids feel when facing their parents at this moment...


This is just one of the aspects of being a teen-ager… This age is supposed to be two best years of our life when we can enjoy our self coz then we go into manhood and then actually have to face and bear our responsibilities… but then these years are also taken from us… (And don’t get me started on chicks!) I know you people may have started thinking by now who am I to comment on fellow students... many would argue I face the similar conditions, probably that’s why I am writing such a thing.

The truth is neither of the above option is entirely correct but neither are they totally wrong... the real reason for writing is max. of my friends have a case similar to various one mentioned above... we all have fun all together but truth is deep inside we fear the dead end... We just fake it most of the time that we are indifferent regarding this and do our best to avoid getting in such discussions when we do get into one we are reduced to half the kids we are…

Thus at the tender age of 17 when we should be care free we are burdened with worries... we haven’t exactly start living our life and it seems that we have already lived an eternity (not in a good way though)... Yes, I am no expert but this is what I have observed I may be wrong but I am going to stick by this... Now I also know I am not exactly a type of writer who could address an important serious issue such as this... I would be way better off writing funny jokes and making sarcastic comments but I thought I owe it to my friends and I gotta express our distress in a way or other...
Now if you are reading my post for the first time I bet you aren't ever coming back but yes, do give this a thought...


P.S. I better write another post soon... so this one is overlapped...

If I wouldn't have come to kota...

I know I am supposed to be emotionally deprived and am supposed to have no care or feeling for any of my friends.... but now as most of them have left Kota it's like my two years are coming back to me... Whenever we go to together in a group of like 15 people to see off a guy at railway station 30 k.m. away at 3 in the morning, we all start discussing about the time spend with them eating "puri sabji" and drinking chai or coffee... and after one thing leads to another we always jump to the same point and that point would be "who is the next guy leaving kota" and eventually, "why did we come to this cursed place"... I mean after spending two most beautiful years of our lives when we are supposed to be in school being a head boy or a cultural captain, dating beautiful girls in short skirts, we ended up here supposed to be studying for 12 hrs and looking at nerd, fat, ugly bitches...But then we would suddenly go like that if we haven’t came to kota we wouldn’t have met each other... and the very moment the discussion becomes to my utter disappointment sad and sentimental...

I mean kota took a lot from us yet gave us what no other place could have ever given and I am not just talking about math derivations or phy. concepts but some real happy memories... some we would cherish for a long period of time... sometimes when we were real low these are the memories which bought a smile on our face...though again there are some we would really like to forget... I have met some wonderful and talented people but again I have been friends with some I wish I would have never met... Though to many of those departing friends I was and shall be a person with no emotions what’s so ever and a back stabber, whose idea of having fun was to make fun of them... I laughed with them but most of the time on them.... but in reality I did like them all and now when they are gone I do miss spending time with them...

So now back to the point. After every such sad a sentimental gay conversation (though then it doesn’t feel like one) we come to the best part... things we wouldn’t have done if we wouldn’t have come to Kota... it does make us all feel cheerful... Few of the not so censored ones are the ones I am gonna mention... You may not fully understand them but then try to step in our shoes which would be of stepping into a normal teenager spending life in Kota then you may get a laugh out of them...

(Sigh)... if we wouldn’t have come to Kota...

We wouldn’t have made a cyber cafe (U4) our second home by the end of our first year and our first home by the time we reached the end of our second... we would only go to our respective P.G's to sleep and few of us also didn’t even bother to do that... It's a mystery thought what did those guys do on "nature's call...” I mean there was a guy who was at cafe for three day continually including nights... where and when the hell did he shit!!!

We wouldn’t have been so addicted to our company and wouldn't be so jobless that just after getting up and brushing the teeth we would set out to meet each other at various places like U4 or movie halls (Readers here must take a note that bansal where we were suppose to be and study was never a meeting point) and would purposely go to such places which would consume lots of time either in traveling or in the procedure so we don’t end up being like "uhh, so now what's next?".... (We even watched sad movies for like three times at movie halls just to kill time... Man we were jobless!!!)...

We wouldn't have realized how tasty and filling can eating good food be... really most of our mom's had this complain that we don’t each much and had tension we would eat even less after coming here coz this place is supposed to have totally tasteless food... worse then my previous hostel... but then they forgot this place also has few good restaurants... for lunch we would have few sandwiches and burgers then for dinner we would all go to a nice place and eat the whole menu up...everyday for the whole week... our families obviously unknown to this would eventually wonder how do we maintain our good health when our food mess Tiffin are hardly touched... Seriously I never expected to walk in restaurants and get served by just saying "My Usual."

We wouldn’t have realized and learned the important lesson of how to handle money or in this case how to produce it out of nowhere... we spent all the money we got in 10 days or so yet we somehow managed to live our life in the same fashion...This would eventually(which I think you guys would have guessed) lead to totally be in debt... and we would pay our debt by getting in few more debt... by the end of month we would realize we are so much in it that we might consider selling our clothes or drop on few luxuries like eating food... though we would still like to continue going to restaurants.. And when the time came to pay the bills we would realize no one had actually bought the money....

We wouldn’t have made a gang...By saying that I mean we wouldn’t have made a gang! we were like group of 13 people and if anyone went against anyone of us or if anyone would have any problem we would all solve it by any means possible...(the only thing which missed was a name)...

We wouldn’t have played football at 2 in the morning and got chased down by cops for making loud noise in the middle of nights... (I play good as a mid-fielder)...

We wouldn’t have bunked so much that it stared to matter when we went to class... people would get surprised we actually went to class... even teacher would be like are you a new student??? It seems like we bunked two years from our lives...

By this time usually we all are in our own world and we would all start thinking about the things we personally accomplished after coming to kota... things we couldn’t have done anywhere else...for example...

Like I said in beginning too, we wouldn’t have met each other... Many would say we were reason for ruining each others' lives but we never felt it that way... we immensely enjoyed each others company and miss it when we all have gone our separate ways...

I wouldn’t have started blogging in the first place... I started it to pass time whenever I got bored over here in nights... now though I do it for plain fun...

I wouldn’t have watched so many movies. Many of those people even never heard off... I actually watched all the movies there in every cyber cafe over here and I had trouble selecting one from a collection of 3000 movies... I had to find names of movies on net and then actually go and see them... (I have now covered most of the good actors I know)

I wouldn’t have downloaded 16 gb of all kind entertaining stuff from music to Lewis black comedy shows... me and few of my friends were sole reason for two cafe to shut down coz we filled them with viruses... hehehe.. we wasted a hell lot of time in this but seriously whenever I listen to a song or watch a show its like worth it... every moment of it...

I wouldn’t have so random and weird conversation with my friends... who have no relevance what’s so ever with our lives but anyway increased our general bullshit knowledge… I remember my first talk with kala was at cafe discussing Hitler, Second World War and Russian economy...

I wouldn’t have had to actually worry about my mobile bills... Though I spent most of the day with my friends I still ended up with huge phone bills coz of talking to them...
I wouldn’t have made and eaten omelet made from a frozen egg kept in fridge for like a month (no, I am not exaggerating)...like I said before it all come down to food for me...

I wouldn't have developed such mood swings...one moment I would be all serious and decent next moment I would be laughing and making fun of other guys... one moment I’ll be happy next I would be sad and angry... one moment I’ll be like lets just sit next I would be like lets go and play... (People should applaud my friends for they actually managed to live with this)

I wouldn’t have hated studying so much... I meant I was supposed to be a good student and I personally loved studying but after so much of bunking and rusting of books due of lack of use I too became one of those lazy idiots...

I wouldn’t have helped a friend successfully over a “I love a girl" issue when I never myself was involved in any such case...see I could handle serious situations...
I wouldn’t have fought with auto walas over five bucks and spent 200 buck on the same night over a movie with no regrets...

I wouldn’t have slept for 31 hrs in two days... (Yes you guys may show your surprise)... I slept for like twenty hrs got up for few hrs then again slept for like 11 hrs that to my hostel mates woke me up thinking something is seriously wrong with me...(what! I was sick, I needed rest)
I wouldn’t have become so good at lying that even I had trouble knowing when I wasn’t doing it... I would lie to people looking in their eyes... I would lie when I need not and about the thing that don’t matter... and I would just lie coz its fun...(I bet by this time you may start having doubts about what kind of person i may be but let me remind you these are only the censored deed I felt were safe enough to mention ;) )

I wouldn’t have become so fluent at bribing people... it comes naturally to me now... with confidence and no embarrassment...I even have few good lines now to go with the procedure...
though probably I would have done this where ever I would have been but I need to mention my stamina of eating maggi at night... it really didn’t matter if I have had my dinner or not but I just had to have maggi with coke...it basically defined my night routine...


P.S. this particular post is dedicated to my friends... all of them... kala, aishwarya, mandar, raman, garv, ayush, mihir, puneet, ashish, samrat, aabhas and to all those too whom I may have forgotten to mention...

The Love Making Between Mihir And Kala.

And he felt mihir's hand crawling up on his crouch and he knew that now it was the moment... The moment he has awaited and feared all his life... His breath fastened and he feels mihir's other hand unbuttoning his shirt...

It all happened one lonely evening in U4 (well doesn't everything happen over here?). It was 13th test at bansal and most of the 12th guys from U4 had gone for a movie. There were thus only three people in the lonely hall of U4 Mihir, Kala (abhinav shubham) and me... I was the unfortunate one who had to view the love making of Mihir and Kala coz Mihir asked me put this story online... I am scared for my life... Anyone would be if had to go through what I did... Kala of course was the victim but I am sure he enjoyed every bit of it even if doesn’t say so...So as we were alone playing Counter-strike Mihir feels that he has to be satisfied... The ever innocent chubby face of Kala meets Mihir's eyes and he knows that he has found the victim...

While Kala smiles watching friends on my DVD Mihir gets up and stands next to Kala while his hands rest on Kala's shoulders... Kala smiles to Mihir, had he known what lay ahead...Mihir Kisses Kala on his cheeks and Kala tries to rebel but Kala was never a man enough to throw somebody off him...He still has a smile on his face, he probably thinks Mihir is just "acting" gay, well he was in for a very big surprise... Mihir hands slips under kala's shirt... Kala then realizes something is wrong and try to avoid getting into an "uncomfortable" situation by trying to change the topic... but Mihir was determined today... he knew what he wanted and today he would get it any how.... Mihir's hands slips further down... Kala now feels uneasy and stops watching friends and turn and face Mihir... all the colors are drained from his face... Just looking at mihir's face Kala knew what lay ahead... he could see the untold horrors that he was about to face, in the ever smiling face and twinkling eyes of Mihir...

He tries to get out but Mihir's reflexes are way too much faster than kala's (one of the gifts of being a sportsman)... Mihir grabs kala's shirt and I hear an almost inaudible sound of rip... kala's chest is now clearly visible for all to see which would sadly be me... Mihir's smile broadens... his hands reaches out of his pants and he asks me to shut the door for him... I hear pleading cries of Kala... I am but stunned by what exactly is talking place and thus continue standing there listening to neither being... then suddenly I come in my senses... I hear a divine and always awaited line... A treat and free dinner!!! FOOD!!! The thing I live for... Feeling sorry for Kala and feeling kind of guilty I close the door to exit... What happens next I can’t type... Not only coz the censor board might not appreciate it but I just can’t bring myself to think and write about the unearthly events that had taken place.... but let just say by the end of it Mihir was utterly satisfied, Kala nearly dead and i scared for my whole life...

P.S. It's just a work of fiction written to irritate Kala a good friend of mine... but the basic thought is true... Mihir hit on Kala on every possible moment...and this blog id dedicated to them...May their love live forever....

Bansal Re-Union 2021!

So my friends, after a long time I am writing a blog (no one gives a damn but still..).. i and a friend of mine Abhinav were dissed about life dissing our sorry asses so we thought up this weird crap over a very sad pathetic cup of coffee...
This is about my and my friends' lives after 13 yrs... when we all will be 30...

2021:
(At gaurav towers bansal classes kota)..

I get out of a car. Looks at the building which took everything from us yet gave everything we have.. I turn my head and look the already present colorless gathering already present...some mourning (yes i repeat some, some only ,and only some) the death of our somewhat beloved guru Mr. V.K. Bansal.. Max. of the crowd is of girls wearing the bansal T-shirt which has "Bansalite today IITian tomorrow" written on it... i search for some familiar faces and was rewarded with a spectacle faced friend Abhinav Shubham..
I walk towards him and bearing a enthusiastic look in my eyes. Joy of meeting an old buddy from past..
He looks at me and gives me a bear hug and asks me about my life.. (sigh!!) about "my" life...(I am saying this coz till now i thought my life was saddest...)

Abhinav: (Rubs his nose)long time...
Me: (looking at Abhinav rubbing his nose) 13 yrs man..!
Abhinav: so back at Gaurav towers?
Me: what was your last batch again?
Abhinav: Shut the fu*k up.
Me: kidding.
Abhinav: so how’s your life?
Me:(sigh)so what about my life..(Looks away...stare at bansal classes board)
Abhinav: you know...your job. Your love life..

(Recounting my exp.)
At 20 i was this sharp kid at college.. Participated in every event.. got good grades... had buddies and a nice pocket money..But i realised that my hobbies of making videos and writing poetry isn't helping me out in getting touch in opposite gender...I had lots of girl buddies but i mean Literally i didn't get in touch... so one sad day i wrote this one last poem which somehow, to my surprise, became lyrics of a very famous song and overnight i became rich... Then this multi-national company hired me as a public representative coz i was famous and was good at twisting words and kicking peoples' asses in discussions..So on a look it may seem nice but still i am without love..
(Sighs again)

So now abhinav’s turn ....half of this crap is his actually so i hand it over to him now....
19 was the most wonderful year of my life ....college no worries....and a beautiful girl by my side...turns out life has been a downhill from then onwards....more like I went speed skiing with life....graduated and got a job with company exporting aircraft parts manufactured in India...got bored of my job at 25 and got a job as this game show quiz designer...got famous on the small screen but still found no love...
(Humph...sigh!!)

We both laughs at the irony and similarity of our lives but it has always been thus so who cares..
We then walk to our hangout place.. Our second home (first to many)... "U4"(for underprivileged people this is to inform you its a cyber cafe)..

(At U4)
We entered and once again we were surrounded by familiar faces....All telling us their conquest and struggles in life.. Their boring life actually made a interesting hearing...

Risky, Vivek and Vipin, these were the only guys who actually kept in touch, seems like U4 did them some good in the end. Turns out that Risky had this "innovative" idea of opening up this game learning school.. Where operators from all around the world came to learn new tricks to develop games... Risky who was the "brains" of the operation came up with new various ideas... while Vivek put them in execution and Vipin taught them to people... Vivek and Vipin couldn’t live without each other so they ended up taking a flat together..
But in case of love they were all losers... like us.. Their passion for comp. games repelled girls..

We met Jatin then or now so called Jayanti... Well Jatin always had horns for guys so he had this little sex change operation and turned into a woman... so Jatin ohh! Sorry.. Jayanti ...who was looking for love in all the wrong places.. But still lived a "satisfied" life...

Mihr came in next with a baby in his arm... The gujju was covered in gold chains and rings... looked like he inherited his father's business... we congratulated him but he wasn’t happy. Turns out that his life really was not as good as it looked... He was married to this girl his father chose for him.. He like a good son obeyed his father but the twist in the story is that Mihr realized that he was a bit queer than the rest.. Well he was a gay... really unhappy and confused.. His wife hated him for his inability to satisfy her so she divorced him... Mihr wanted to marry his "type"... but his father wouldn’t allow this so he was pretty lonely in his life....

We noticed a red head and wow it was Samrat... Samrat and his brother Ashish were in partnership but they broke up... One look at Ashish was enough to know the reason... It turns out that in the year in which Ronaldo was injured.. Ashish being a great fan of his couldn’t take it and went into serious drinking.. His face was unshaven and was wearing ManU Ronaldo Jersey.. He was watching Ronaldo's video on youtube.. we didn’t disturb him...

Next we met Ayush.. The only guy who had a successful love life... he got married to his High School sweet-heart... who happened to be a daughter of income tax officer... so it would be safe to say that Ayush was pretty satisfied with his life...

we looked around for Sankalp but couldn’t find him... Came to know that he didn’t have time to come as he was growing his hair like Einstein doing some chemical research and learning to sing his fav. song(You really don’t want to know about it).. Well that’s the Sankalp we always knew...

Nono (Nipun) came in next.. We all knew what he did in life.. Coz we laughed at him all the time... don’t get me wrong.. He took part in laughter challenge XV and won it.. So he was a successful comedian... even though he could make girls laugh but still no one took him "seriously".. So he was also a successful loser in his life...

Between all this we noticed something weird going in between Mihr and Jayanti... Jayanti couldn’t stop looking at Mihr and Mihr who thought that he liked guys came to know he was wrong.. He liked guys turned into women more...(sigh)They made a wonderful pair...

And then Adiwasi entered... He was still living with his Mother and was working at an amusement park for charity... He sat on "Hit me for 5 bucks" chair.. Well even his good deeds didn’t do him any good in finding love...

Suddenly I remembered Baron... I asked for him... people who knew him best told me he died...
He died at 29.... Turns out that he was diagnosed with lung cancer at 23... he quit smoking and took up drinking.. His kidney was removed at 26.... He quit drinking and took drugs... his body then just couldn’t bear anymore and gave in....

Well I just had to say it was heck of reunion or more like i should say weird thinking...
The idea was simple that if we continue our life like this we would have little social life... and guys just don’t come after me... Half of this was Maddy's (abhinav) idea...
Man we are seriously so jobless...